Due Date!!

I woke up this morning to snow flurries outside my window. Gavin asked for a ride to work and on the way home the snow turned to rain. But the drive out was very beautiful.
I have been waiting for this day since I first saw those two pink lines. I am a little disappointed that nothing seems to be happening, but no baby ever comes on their due date, right? And here I thought little Evie would get here early! I should have known she'd hang in there. I don't blame her, though. It IS chilly out here.
It seems like everyone has a little advice on how to bring about labor. Pineapple juice, yoga, sex, pumping...you name it. My step-mom told me the only thing she had to do was make plans and BAM my sister was ready for the world. So maybe I'll make plans for this evening. Gavin's parents are coming in for the weekend, so they'll be around if I need a ride.
I have no idea what to do with myself in the meantime. I have been off of work for a week now and though the beginning of this week was busy with school and doctor appointments and taking my little kitten Sam to get neutered, the plans I made for the last few days were all put off so I wouldn't worry about being too far from home if I went into labor. But maybe I should've kept them!
Last night I watched Gavin finally get into a nesting state of mind. We began by putting up the mirrors in the bathroom. They looked super nice, so he kept his hammer and nails out and started hanging up all the pictures and posters we've been putting off hanging since we moved in. Now every wall in our house has a little something on it. We got the place cleaned up in the last few days, so I have no cleaning to do. The early arrival of the dryer allowed us to get all of the clothes washed and dried as well. So here I sit.
I hope its not this dull after Evelyn gets here. I know she will be sleeping a lot to begin with, but I hope I can still find things to do. Maybe I'll listen to every record we own. TV doesn't keep my attention that well, though I am slowly making my way through the Gilmore Girls series. I'm on season 5 currently and I've decided that after its over, I'll either take a break from Netflix entirely or only watch it when breastfeeding.
Well, time to find something to do!

Numbers

Nine days til the due date.
Two shifts left at work.
One more session of class.
Two weeks until Christmas.

My heart is racing and my head is spinning. Every time I think about how by this time next month I will be holding my little girl in my arms, I let out a little squee. I can't believe how fast time is flying. It feels like just yesterday I was panicking about what stuff she would need. And now here I am, nursery completed, bug-out bag packed, car seat installed and house in relatively baby-ready condition. Is this real? IS IT REAL YET? (As Gavin would say).
I keep trying to picture what the next few months will be like on a daily basis. When she finally arrives, of course I will be surrounded by all my family and friends who are so eager to help out. But after the freshness wears off and it's just me and little Evie each morning, will I be waking up at the crack of dawn? Sooner? Will we snuggle on the couch and binge watch Gilmore Girls while I breastfeed and what about on Gavin's days off? Will we be doing all the exploring that we have been planning? I really hope Evie likes the Ergo, because that is what I plan to use when we go out into the woods! :)
I wonder if we will get stir-crazy being inside or if each other's company will be just the right balance. Will I all of a sudden have the motivation to be the super-housekeeper I always dreamed of being? I wonder if she will appreciate listening to all of Gavin's records. I wonder if we will spend more time in her room, my room, the living room? How are the animals going to accept her? Well, I hope. They like her stuff for sleeping so far. I dream of holding her.

I would like to apologize for not writing as much. If you could see the position I'm in right now, you'd laugh. My laptop is in my lap, but my arms are wrapped way around my big belly, barely reaching the keyboard. It's a struggle, I tell ya.
Hopefully there will be time to keep up with this after she is born.

Home Stretch

Gosh, it really does creep up on you! At my 33 week visit yesterday the doctor told me that from now on, my visits would be weekly until I give birth. If anything was going to "make it real" again at this point, it was that! Evie also gave the doc quite a pummeling as he measured my tummy. And this visit, my mom accompanied me instead of Gavin so she got to hear Evie's heartbeat and of course she got all teary-eyed. :)

So since this blog is supposed to have the brutal truth about pregnancy, here are some of the less than sunny things I've been dealing with lately!:
-Charlie horses and foot cramps. I really wish I had been warned about these. Not that there is much I can do aside from cramming down the bananas, but no one ever tells you about this!
-Rolling over is hard! Maybe it is just me. I toss and turn pretty much all night. I sleep on my sides, but I switch it up every hour or so because of the light coming in through the window and then Gavin can sometimes have some stank breath (sorry, Love). In the last couple of weeks it has gotten damn near impossible to flip myself over. It's an involved and sometimes painful experience, especially when I'm covered in our furry family members (which is always. Why do cats love to sleep on my hips so much??)
-Getting up to pee 3, 4 times a night. I guess it's probably more because I get most of my fluid at home after work rather than spacing it out throughout the day. So I could PROBABLY 'fix' this issue easily, but I am lazy. Add to that the fact that the chain on the ballcock (ha) broke yesterday so last night all I heard was running water every few minutes and I was basically up all night peeing.
-Growing the karate kid. Evelyn is the best. She really is. I'm soooo excited to meet her. But damn if I'm not so over the "omg she kicked!" bit. During the day at work it's okay. I like the company. At home, when I'm trying to relax or even sleep, she seems to believe she's training with Jackie Chan or something. I have tried repositioning in case I've just got her cramped up somehow and she's protesting. That does nothing. Luckily, Gavin is usually close enough by that I can grab his hand and place it on my stomach. That almost always does the trick. Good to know she already loves Daddy.
-Sensitivity to sounds/smells. The smells one was way worse in my early pregnancy but is attempting a return with a vengeance. And that's acceptable. I was expecting to be the pregnant woman who spent her entire 40 weeks in near-constant nausea. I was pleasantly surprised to not have to deal with that. But the sound thing? I want to murder the ceiling fan with its slightly-off-balance blades (I think?) and my dogs' wet mouths as they open and close them throughout the night, swiping a tongue across their teeth in the most disgusting way possible. Or my cats' sandpaper tongues as they groom themselves ON TOP OF ME. Even my lil kitten whom I love with all my heart gets an evil eye when he curls up next to my face and purrs with the volume of a stampede of 8-hooved wildebeests. I know, that's dramatic. And my ears even play tricks on me. I think I'm hearing my dog lick herself and it's really just the fan. I shout, "cut it out!" and Gavin laughs and says, "I don't think the fan is listening." Gah.
-Personal space! I grew up in a very hands-on family. Hugs and kisses for every relative and friend! No need to ask for permission, just go ahead and start playing with my hair! I'm OVER it. My personal space bubble has expanded to about 5 feet on either side lately. The only one allowed in without any warning is Gavin and he understands that access can be rescinded at any time. I tolerate my grandma putting the sign of the cross on my tummy and kissing it goodbye each time because, lets be honest, she wiped my butt a lot as a baby, I think I can suck up my discomfort. My mom is pretty good about not putting her hands on me, although for a minute there I was getting jabbed while she attempted to locate various parts of Evelyn. I accept that too, but I'm not as tolerant for her for some reason. (Sorry, Mom). Maybe because we're close enough that I can be honest with her when she's being aggravating. My siblings have been pretty cute about the whole thing. My sister was grossed out when I invited her to feel a kick, my brother was incredibly interested to know what it felt like and was disappointed when Evie wouldn't give him a fist bump. But old ladies, my boss, everyone else can GTF away from me. Or at least ask and then when I give you permission, please keep it short and sweet and don't just poke at me. That is not how you feel a kick.
-I don't know if this counts, but I am less than pleased with my general mood lately. I am more irritable now than I have been the entire pregnancy. Inside I'm like "I'm in a great mood! So excited to see you!" but on the outside I look like someone just left a flaming poo on my porch. I have been shying away from making plans with people because it takes me a good 30 minutes to get comfortable enough to open up and not feel like I'm bringing down the party because I'm pregnant. (Why does that feeling even exist?)

I guess that is all for now. I wrote this at work, so it may get edited later!

The nursery, gifts and a little tangent on parenting

It's been awhile since I've updated. I've been spending a lot of time getting the nursery ready for little Evie. When we moved into this house, we knew we wanted our room to be the one beside hers since it would be easier to not have to cross the house to get to her at night. This means we gave up the master bedroom for a smaller room. Evie's room is right next door and hers is the smallest of the three bedrooms. It had some water damage on the exterior wall (and yet, luckily, no mold!) which we found when painting, so we had to tear out the paneling and insulation and replace it. We are still working on the walls, trying to figure out how we want to do the colors, but we already built the crib and put some of her furniture and other essentials in the nursery. It's quite pretty, actually!

It only took us like 3 hours, but we got the crib put together. The top rail is not flush with the side, but that doesn't appear to alter the structural integrity of the crib.

We have also been getting a ton of donated hand-me-downs from friends, family, neighbors and even some strangers! It's funny because I was a little worried that Evie was going to be the baby with a small wardrobe, but as it turns out, you can barely mention you're expecting and people throw clothes at you from every direction. I feel very lucky for this. I also feel lucky to have a friend who is ten weeks behind me that I can pass all of the love onto when she gives birth!

Some gifts: Headbands from a mommy friend, onesie and handmade book from one of Gavin's BFF's and the Counting Kisses and Curious George book and onesie are from said BFF's mom (whom I have never met!)

Other than that, I've mostly been spending my time having the senioritis of pregnancy. Third trimester impatience? Every day I work, every class I push myself in the doors. I spend a lot of time thinking about holding Evelyn in my arms and smelling the top of her head. Is there anything quite like the smell of a newborn baby? I cannot wait for her arrival.
I've also been perusing the Mom groups on Facebook. Some of the moms seem pretty confident in their parenting. I guess by the 3rd, 4th, 5th baby you have got to have a handle on how to answer their little curious questions ("Where do babies come from?¨ and "why does little brother have a tail on the front?").
I don't think anyone ever becomes a pro at being a parent, though. From what I've learned being a part of a large and pretty diverse family, you can think you're doing the best job ever and really mess up your kid and you can think you're the worst parent in the world and have your kid turn out to be the most kind and compassionate human being you know. Of course there are the neutrals as well.
I think the biggest change I've gone through during my pregnancy has been realizing that I had a lot of hang-ups. I let go of a lot of stigmas, chose to abandon the judgments I once had for moms whose kids were throwing tantrums in restaurants, running through the neighborhood unattended and touching every single thing in the store. I've made a conscious decision to encourage moms who seem to be trying their best and still failing to improve their day.
So far, I have only really had one opportunity to do this. It was in the Target bathroom a few months ago. A little boy had not wanted to wash his hands, kicked the pipe under the sink in frustration and the cover fell off, pouring water all over the floor. Immediately he sank into a puddle of tears (and sink water). His mom was caught between gentle parenting and getting the message across that kicking things was unacceptable. It was a struggle. I totally understood that. As I washed my hands I turned to her and I said, "You're doing a really good job, I promise. This is just one of those days and you'll get to the other side of it. You're doing the best you can," and then I took a paper towel, dried my hands and waved goodbye to the boy in the puddle, still wiping his tired eyes. The mom smiled and thanked me.
We are all fighting the same battle. To try to raise children with love, respect, compassion and strong hearts, intelligent children that will know how to solve the problems of the world one day is our optimum outcome. When I see people scoffing and rolling their eyes at the mom who is singing to her breastfeeding baby on the bus, I just want to shake them. "Do you really have room to judge anyone!?" And don't get me wrong. I still catch myself shaking my head at the lady who is dousing her child in hand sanitizer before putting him in the grocery cart. I have my reasons for being annoyed by that (mostly scientific, killing ALMOST all the germs leaves only the strongest germs to procreate and make stronger germs) but I'm trying hard to just let it go. Maybe her child has a weak immune system and even those weak germs destroyed by sanitizer would have been devastating to his little body.
I have a long way to go, still. I think we all do. But if we really think about it and try to put forth a conscious effort, I think we can be okay with each others' parenting methods and raise some pretty awesome future adults.

Little kicks and a very real dream

Evelyn Marie, you are a karate kid for sure. You spend most of your waking hours kicking, punching and what feels like grabbing at my insides. I can no longer comfortably lay on my tummy on the floor or bed to study or play with my pets. But thats okay, because I love your little reminders that you're developing inside my body. Its still a crazy feeling and I dont think I'll ever really get used to that. You are pretty active these days and yet, when the matriarchs of our families try to get a feel in, you shy away. I hope you always make such confident decisions over who gets to touch you!
Last night I had a dream that you were born. Luckily maybe, the dream started after the birth and once you were home. I got to wrap you in the mei tai that I have been dying to use. It was blissfully easy and you were nice and calm and didnt cry at all.
I did get to change a diaper in the dream, but the funny part is, it wasnt wet until I started to take it off of you. Then I noticed you were about to go pee so I pushed the diaper back over you and laughed at my luck of not getting peed on.
It was a short dream, but I woke up feeling so excited for the December day when I can hold you in my arms. Daddy and I are both looking forward to your arrival.
I once lamented that you would have a December birthday because I was afraid that being pregnant during the summer would be miserable. But so far, you have managed to stay pretty well tucked in and so I dont think the heat is affecting me as much as I thought it would. Plus, you'll make a pretty cute pumpkin belly if I decide to go the cheesiest route ever for Halloween.
So you just stay where you are and get your grow on and we'll see you when you're ready. :)

Appointments, moving and the doldrums

Last week was a regular checkup appointment for us. Gavin and I both took the day off work and drove all the way to Durham for an appointment that was....at Brier Creek. Okay, not too bad, we arrived early enough that we had a good 20 minutes to make a 25 minute drive. And they thankfully have a grace period for mamas.

The visit was very basic stuff. We sat in the waiting room for a few minutes, we got moved to a private room after my blood pressure and weight were recorded and then we saw the doc for a few minutes to hear the heartbeat and measure the bump. So far so good. They requested a urine sample, but I didn't have to go when I got there. I asked a nurse for some water but we were through with the visit before she came back with it so I left without leaving a sample. (That night I had a dream they forced me to come back and leave one!) We didn't hear anything new and doc said we were still on track for a healthy Evelyn. 

The day after the visit, Gavin's parents came to stay with us for the weekend to help us move. We moved about 7 miles away from our 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment in town into a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house with lots of land and nature. We didn't tell Gavin's parents that we had already done the heavy lifting so they were pleasantly surprised to learn they weren't going to have to be workers the whole time. They rewarded us with groceries and new mattresses for us and the guest room. (We have a guest room!).

We spent the weekend getting minor things done, like unpacking and shopping for new door knobs and such. We ate out almost every meal and by the time they left, I was feeling a salad like nobody's business. 

We spent our first nights in the new house this past weekend and since it is my grandma's old house, I wasn't quite comfortable with us sleeping in her old (the master) bedroom. So guests get the bedroom with the attached bathroom, and Gavin and I sleep in the room beside the nursery. It's so wonderful to sleep out in the country where you can hear the bugs from the porch and the train pass from your pillow. I had a couple good nights worth of sleep and a couple lousy ones (mostly due to our plethora of animals, including a cat that loves to knead my now-doughy breasts!).

Last night was a huge storm and Gavin and I sat on the living room floor, a box in front of each of us, and assembled Evelyn's stroller, bassinet and swing. Sam and Lou, our trusty cats, helped themselves to the empty boxes and the dogs cowered under the bed as our weather alert radio sounded off about flooding, high winds and the possibility of downed trees. I recalled memories from my childhood, sitting on the step to the back hall in my house, listening to the weather alert radio and being just as scared as my dogs were last night. Thunderstorms used to be my biggest fear; now I can lay back with closed eyes and listen to the wind and rain beat down and all I get is peace. The lights flickered a few times, but the power never went out. Thank goodness for that, because this mama has no experience with old houses and almost all of our flashlights are still packed up!

After the storm passed, Gavin made us some dinner and we sat on the couch and watched a show about people finding their first homes. One of the episodes was set in Charlotte where Gavin grew up! The dogs came out to cuddle and we stayed up almost to midnight!

Today I have been experiencing the doldrums. It was back to work for me and the day has been dragging on. All the excitement of the weekend is over and all I can look forward to is my first day of school tomorrow, which to be honest, I'm panicking about because I haven't been in 7 years!

So wish me luck! 

Anatomy Exam Visit-GENDER REVEAL

Yesterday was the anatomy scan visit at Duke. Gavin and I both woke up an hour before our alarms because of how excited we were. We stopped at Biscuitville on the way to the doctor and found a perfect parking spot in the shade right in front of the building. Everything was going so well!
We arrived a bit early so we sat for a few minutes in the lobby and before I knew it we were in the exam room with my skirt pulled down and my shirt pulled up.
The technician was super-friendly and had the gel pre-warmed to go on my tummy. Seeing my little one show up on the screen was the most magical thing. First the technician checked the organs, which all looked good, the limbs which were present and did some measurements of bones and the head. She checked to see if Baby Maxfield had any signs of inheriting the hole in the heart my uncle had or the lung issues my grandfather dealt with. Everything looked clean and good. She ran the camera over my stomach a few times to show me the body and I got to see and feel the baby kick at the same time. Doesn't sound like much but to me it was incredible. I cannot even describe how awesome that was. Gavin was pretty impressed too.
I asked if she already knew the sex from looking at the baby so far and the technician said she did, and did I have a guess?
I squeaked out, "is it a boy?" because let's be honest, Gavin and I both were rooting for a girl, but I figured with my luck we were going to have a boy. We haven't been able to agree on any boys names and then my brother would get to be right, haha.
"Actually, it's a girl," the technician replied and my eyes popped and I turned to Gavin with a big squeal and just screeched, "we dont have to come up with a boy's name! Yay!!!" Silly, I know. But I think I kind of already knew it was a girl so I didn't feel too bad about being relieved that I was right.
So that's the news. We're having a girl. A beautiful, sweet, incredibly wiggly girl. And I can't stop smiling. I thought it would feel more real now that I've seen her move and feel her move at the same time, but to be honest I still have a sort of disconnect with my stomach unless I'm currently feeling the movement. I don't know when I'll feel the reality of it but I hope it happens soon. I'm just so in love already.
Gavin spent most of the ride home talking to friends and family and letting them know. I sort of took my time letting my family know since I had to drive and also I'm really not a big center of attention lover. (Not that Gavin is either, but his family will not let up if he doesn't call them right away, haha).
We are in the process of moving a few miles up the road so we did some more moving after the appointment and then went out to dinner with my dad and his family. We had a wonderful time and trying to sleep last night was next to impossible. Too many little happy thoughts running through my head. But I'm okay with that.