Wednesday, December 9, 2015
RSV can suck a butt
RSV coupled with a double ear infection. Just dropped $70 on medicines (probiotics) and healing balms and magic powder combinations to try to heal up the horrible diaper rash. Parenthood can be so hard sometimes. Every pained whimper makes me feel like crying.
Monday, November 30, 2015
Abolish Sanctimommy!
Happy 11 months Evie! :) Mommy loves you!
As we enter Evie's 11th month Earthside, I would like to talk about that pesky thing we all love to call Sanctimommy. That "I can raise my child better than you can raise yours" attitude. It's despicable, really, but we're all guilty of it.
Did you know that before I became a mom I was an expert on how to raise everyone else's children? It's true, I knew everything. I knew if I were put in charge of Betty's bedtime, she'd be asleep by 7pm every night. None of this waking every 2 hours crap. Can you believe it? Yeah, me neither.
And here's the thing: when Evie came home and was an excellent sleeper from the start, that sort of cemented my confidence that I was just really really good at parenting. What a load of crap, huh?
The truth is, Evie is just a really good sleeper. She's a pretty good kid, too. Not too many tantrums (yet) and she is very laid back. It took me a long time to get a reality check. And it wasn't even like an all-at-once thing, either. But now that I've "woken up" I can see just how useless and actually detrimental it is to think that only your way is correct.
Whenever you try to convince a mother that her choices are wrong, you're undermining her confidence in mothering. That is extremely harmful and can be a huge contributing factor to postpartum depression as well as anxiety. You're telling her that she's not good enough.
I know that in general, women aren't going up to other women in grocery stores and telling them how to get their child up out of the temper tantrum on the floor. I can see it happening occasionally, but I think one of the few benefits of being an isolated society (we'd rather look at our phones than at each other) is that we tend to stay out of others' business when it doesn't concern us. But put those same moms in a facebook group and all hell breaks loose. Other places we face this criticism are from friends and family members. Your own parents might be talking down to you at this moment, telling you they did not raise you to coddle your infant and pick him up at every whimper. To that I say: If they truly believe they were capable parents, then they should trust the product of their parenting to make responsible decisions, even if they do not match the choices they themselves (would) have made. It's as simple as that. Your mom may not believe in extended breastfeeding, but she taught you to take care of your child, to meet their every need and to be there for them. Your interpretation of that may be different than hers and that's okay.
As for me, I am making conscious decisions about what I say and how I say it. I don't always agree with every choice I see moms of older kids making, but I know that until I'm faced with their particular situation, I have no actual clue as to how I will respond. My views often change, as evidenced by my previous posts. And for babies Evie's age and younger, well, the same is true. And just because I have faced certain situations and handled them differently doesn't mean my way would have worked for other parents.
So think twice when you decide to voice your opinion to a mom who may not have even asked for it. And when they do, be gentle, graceful and understanding. Try to put yourself in their shoes, but know that even in doing so, you cannot begin to understand who they are.
Love to all,
Sarah
As we enter Evie's 11th month Earthside, I would like to talk about that pesky thing we all love to call Sanctimommy. That "I can raise my child better than you can raise yours" attitude. It's despicable, really, but we're all guilty of it.
Did you know that before I became a mom I was an expert on how to raise everyone else's children? It's true, I knew everything. I knew if I were put in charge of Betty's bedtime, she'd be asleep by 7pm every night. None of this waking every 2 hours crap. Can you believe it? Yeah, me neither.
And here's the thing: when Evie came home and was an excellent sleeper from the start, that sort of cemented my confidence that I was just really really good at parenting. What a load of crap, huh?
The truth is, Evie is just a really good sleeper. She's a pretty good kid, too. Not too many tantrums (yet) and she is very laid back. It took me a long time to get a reality check. And it wasn't even like an all-at-once thing, either. But now that I've "woken up" I can see just how useless and actually detrimental it is to think that only your way is correct.
Whenever you try to convince a mother that her choices are wrong, you're undermining her confidence in mothering. That is extremely harmful and can be a huge contributing factor to postpartum depression as well as anxiety. You're telling her that she's not good enough.
I know that in general, women aren't going up to other women in grocery stores and telling them how to get their child up out of the temper tantrum on the floor. I can see it happening occasionally, but I think one of the few benefits of being an isolated society (we'd rather look at our phones than at each other) is that we tend to stay out of others' business when it doesn't concern us. But put those same moms in a facebook group and all hell breaks loose. Other places we face this criticism are from friends and family members. Your own parents might be talking down to you at this moment, telling you they did not raise you to coddle your infant and pick him up at every whimper. To that I say: If they truly believe they were capable parents, then they should trust the product of their parenting to make responsible decisions, even if they do not match the choices they themselves (would) have made. It's as simple as that. Your mom may not believe in extended breastfeeding, but she taught you to take care of your child, to meet their every need and to be there for them. Your interpretation of that may be different than hers and that's okay.
As for me, I am making conscious decisions about what I say and how I say it. I don't always agree with every choice I see moms of older kids making, but I know that until I'm faced with their particular situation, I have no actual clue as to how I will respond. My views often change, as evidenced by my previous posts. And for babies Evie's age and younger, well, the same is true. And just because I have faced certain situations and handled them differently doesn't mean my way would have worked for other parents.
So think twice when you decide to voice your opinion to a mom who may not have even asked for it. And when they do, be gentle, graceful and understanding. Try to put yourself in their shoes, but know that even in doing so, you cannot begin to understand who they are.
Love to all,
Sarah
Friday, November 6, 2015
A Smooth Sea Never Made A Skilled Sailor
I haven't posted in a couple months because let's face it, the days are getting really busy. Aside from wrangling this crawling little wiggle worm I call Evelyn, I have started nannying for an 18 month old little girl who is just the sweetest thing ever. Despite that, it's still a handful to manage the both of them and I often come home exhausted and touched out.
So here's a little recap of month 9 and a little bit about the beginning of month 10:
We took in as much sunshine as we could while it was out, making sure to visit many parks and trails.
Evie went down her first slide (and loved it). I took Evelyn to Marbles kids museum for the first time, too, and it was surprisingly accommodating for a non-walker. Some other places we went were:
-the power plant's family day
-church, so my grandparents could finally introduce Evie to their friends
-an endless string of family and friends houses.
We finally got into a real swing of hanging out with my new mom friends and their babies. Nothing feels better than finding your people!
Evelyn really got the hang of crawling in September. She started pulling up on all the things, reaching for anything close enough to grab. She started pulling everything down and throwing whatever she couldn't knock down.
Evelyn's palette for food was pretty expansive. We were amazed at her ability to pick up food and put it in her mouth, chew it and swallow, all without gagging. Well, there was a little gagging. Luckily I've watched the youtube videos on how to deal with a choking child and I know the difference between choking and gagging. ;)
The biting during nursing became a pretty regular thing, but also random bites elsewhere. The chin? Cheek? Knee? I learned to expect the unexpected. That meant some serious child-proofing had to happen. We tucked away cords, blocked off shelves, picked up dog bowls and got serious about the vacuuming every day (for awhile, anyway. I'm not perfect!). Evie still manages to find the stray hang tag from a new outfit on a freshly vacuumed floor.
I have newfound love for her wardrobe.
She has now outgrown all of the hand-me-downs and all of her clothes are handpicked by me from Target's clearance section or from the website when I was bored and should have been watching TV. :P I have documented many a cute outfit with photos and I am definitely guilty of purchasing the same outfit a size up so I can continue to enjoy it as long as possible.
I left Evie with my mom for a few hours to go enjoy a show with my friend. It was still not quite as freeing as I expected it to be, because I still thought about Evie the whole time, but I did have fun. I even drank some wine.
In late September, Evie began climbing furniture. She would climb onto the ottoman, up the couch and stand on the pillows to reach the bar. There's not really child-proofing that, I've found.
I really didn't cherish my SAHM days as much as I should have, because in October a job fell into my lap. As mentioned earlier, my charge is an 18 month old girl. Her uncle used to watch her but wanted to 'retire' so her mom posted an ISO Nanny job listing on facebook. I jumped on it because I had missed the opportunity to work at a baby boutique (and bring Evelyn with me). Turns out this job was actually about a thousand times better. Good pay, flexible time off, I get to take Evie with me and if we go out, H can come too! I even get vacation, which just happens to fall around Evie's birthday. :D The only downside I see, really, is dividing my attention from Evie. Of course she doesn't seem to mind, she is very independent and can amuse herself (to a degree). Still, I wish I could somehow have the best of both worlds. I miss the lazy mornings at home and my house has certainly taken a turn for the messy since I started work. I don't see how this could be, though, since I'm not really the one that does the cleaning around here.
So October was more visiting with family. Evelyn met my cousin Paul, who of course instantly fell in love with her (and who can blame him?) and she visited with my grandparents a LOT. She might be my grandma's favorite person in the world.
My mom made Evie's Halloween costume; she was a mouse with big floppy ears and a cute tail. Evelyn hated the ears/hat and pulled it off every chance she got. I still managed to catch some cute pictures though. We did a lot of little crafts to make keepsakes for her memory book.
I have fallen further behind on that than I have on this. We did the usual festivities for the season: hay rides, corn mazes (my first ever!) and we took some photos outside in the gorgeous 3 day Autumn we experienced.
That basically sums up months 8 and 9. Here's month 10, which I will address to my sweetheart herself:
Evelyn,
My sweet angel, you drive me batty. November has only just begun and you've already run me ragged. Your first ER visit was on Sunday, for your breathing troubles. It was just a virus and you're feeling much better now, but you gave me quite a fright. I don't like being uncertain about your health and it made it worse to hear so much conflicting information from the doctors. (ER says steamy showers don't help the airways, Ped says they do. -_-) We got in and out fairly quickly, though, which made the snuggles til morning all the more pleasant. Your pitiful cough still broke my heart.
Because of your sickness, I imagine, your throat is hurting. That might be why you've abandoned all solid food for nursing 24/7. My nipples feel like you're brand new again, raw and bright red and I can feel each of your 8 teeth with every latch. I am going to admit this: I dread nursing you right now. You really are obsessed, which makes sense given your health. You need all the comfort you can get and you have to get those calories somewhere. So nurse on, little one, but be gentle please!
You're also being a little temperamental lately, tossing your head back with a shout whenever something doesn't go your way. You don't want daddy, you want me. No wait, you want daddy but you want to still be nursing from me. Don't wipe your nose with a tissue! You much prefer to snot all over my breasts while nursing. And no, you don't want a green bean or potatoes or chicken. Those are clearly for the dogs, if I'm judging by how fast they hit the floor after I set them in front of you. This phase is already old. I could've eaten those as leftovers!
It has been rough. But as my title says, A Smooth Sea Never Made A Skilled Sailor and I hope that come time for #2, I'll be prepared to handle these stages. And it's not all bad, either. You're currently snuggled up against my arm on the couch, not actually latched (!) and earlier today you head-booped me and gave me kisses with no provocation. There are lots of things you do that make the rough patches worth it. I adore your little floppy handed dance, your mischievous grin when I catch you in the act of splashing in the dogs' water bowl or stealing the remote. Your wrinkled up nose tells me you know you're being naughty but you've decided to proceed anyway. It's not like I can really be mad at you, (except when you throw perfectly good and quite delicious food on the floor, I mean, come onnn).
Your hair is growing in so thick now, despite your constant tugging on it. Its like you think I've sneaked a hat on you sometimes.
You're getting so big now. 22 lbs? Almost? And who even knows how tall. Too tall is the answer. I can no longer easily switch sides when nursing at night. I am picking up a toddler. Not that you've realized how big you are, since you still decide to turn sideways on the bed every night. I might wake up with you nursing but poor Daddy has your feet in his face, or worse, on his solar plexus!
Sometimes you let me put shoes on you and stand you up. You're still not brave enough or maybe strong enough to do it yourself or stay standing very long, but occasionally you let me hold your hand and you half-walk around. That's always pretty rewarding to me.
You're learning a lot from H. She is pretty verbal and you have learned to say "Daddy" in a pretty clear voice, you definitely say "Mom", "Mummum" and "Mama" clearly as well. H loves you like the little sister she's hoping to have soon. :)
You're waking up now, so I guess this is goodbye. Until next time, my love,
Mommy
So here's a little recap of month 9 and a little bit about the beginning of month 10:
We took in as much sunshine as we could while it was out, making sure to visit many parks and trails.
-the power plant's family day
-church, so my grandparents could finally introduce Evie to their friends
-an endless string of family and friends houses.
We finally got into a real swing of hanging out with my new mom friends and their babies. Nothing feels better than finding your people!
Evelyn really got the hang of crawling in September. She started pulling up on all the things, reaching for anything close enough to grab. She started pulling everything down and throwing whatever she couldn't knock down.
Evelyn's palette for food was pretty expansive. We were amazed at her ability to pick up food and put it in her mouth, chew it and swallow, all without gagging. Well, there was a little gagging. Luckily I've watched the youtube videos on how to deal with a choking child and I know the difference between choking and gagging. ;)
The biting during nursing became a pretty regular thing, but also random bites elsewhere. The chin? Cheek? Knee? I learned to expect the unexpected. That meant some serious child-proofing had to happen. We tucked away cords, blocked off shelves, picked up dog bowls and got serious about the vacuuming every day (for awhile, anyway. I'm not perfect!). Evie still manages to find the stray hang tag from a new outfit on a freshly vacuumed floor.
I have newfound love for her wardrobe.
I left Evie with my mom for a few hours to go enjoy a show with my friend. It was still not quite as freeing as I expected it to be, because I still thought about Evie the whole time, but I did have fun. I even drank some wine.
In late September, Evie began climbing furniture. She would climb onto the ottoman, up the couch and stand on the pillows to reach the bar. There's not really child-proofing that, I've found.
I really didn't cherish my SAHM days as much as I should have, because in October a job fell into my lap. As mentioned earlier, my charge is an 18 month old girl. Her uncle used to watch her but wanted to 'retire' so her mom posted an ISO Nanny job listing on facebook. I jumped on it because I had missed the opportunity to work at a baby boutique (and bring Evelyn with me). Turns out this job was actually about a thousand times better. Good pay, flexible time off, I get to take Evie with me and if we go out, H can come too! I even get vacation, which just happens to fall around Evie's birthday. :D The only downside I see, really, is dividing my attention from Evie. Of course she doesn't seem to mind, she is very independent and can amuse herself (to a degree). Still, I wish I could somehow have the best of both worlds. I miss the lazy mornings at home and my house has certainly taken a turn for the messy since I started work. I don't see how this could be, though, since I'm not really the one that does the cleaning around here.
So October was more visiting with family. Evelyn met my cousin Paul, who of course instantly fell in love with her (and who can blame him?) and she visited with my grandparents a LOT. She might be my grandma's favorite person in the world.
My mom made Evie's Halloween costume; she was a mouse with big floppy ears and a cute tail. Evelyn hated the ears/hat and pulled it off every chance she got. I still managed to catch some cute pictures though. We did a lot of little crafts to make keepsakes for her memory book.
That basically sums up months 8 and 9. Here's month 10, which I will address to my sweetheart herself:
Evelyn,
My sweet angel, you drive me batty. November has only just begun and you've already run me ragged. Your first ER visit was on Sunday, for your breathing troubles. It was just a virus and you're feeling much better now, but you gave me quite a fright. I don't like being uncertain about your health and it made it worse to hear so much conflicting information from the doctors. (ER says steamy showers don't help the airways, Ped says they do. -_-) We got in and out fairly quickly, though, which made the snuggles til morning all the more pleasant. Your pitiful cough still broke my heart.
Because of your sickness, I imagine, your throat is hurting. That might be why you've abandoned all solid food for nursing 24/7. My nipples feel like you're brand new again, raw and bright red and I can feel each of your 8 teeth with every latch. I am going to admit this: I dread nursing you right now. You really are obsessed, which makes sense given your health. You need all the comfort you can get and you have to get those calories somewhere. So nurse on, little one, but be gentle please!
You're also being a little temperamental lately, tossing your head back with a shout whenever something doesn't go your way. You don't want daddy, you want me. No wait, you want daddy but you want to still be nursing from me. Don't wipe your nose with a tissue! You much prefer to snot all over my breasts while nursing. And no, you don't want a green bean or potatoes or chicken. Those are clearly for the dogs, if I'm judging by how fast they hit the floor after I set them in front of you. This phase is already old. I could've eaten those as leftovers!
It has been rough. But as my title says, A Smooth Sea Never Made A Skilled Sailor and I hope that come time for #2, I'll be prepared to handle these stages. And it's not all bad, either. You're currently snuggled up against my arm on the couch, not actually latched (!) and earlier today you head-booped me and gave me kisses with no provocation. There are lots of things you do that make the rough patches worth it. I adore your little floppy handed dance, your mischievous grin when I catch you in the act of splashing in the dogs' water bowl or stealing the remote. Your wrinkled up nose tells me you know you're being naughty but you've decided to proceed anyway. It's not like I can really be mad at you, (except when you throw perfectly good and quite delicious food on the floor, I mean, come onnn).
Your hair is growing in so thick now, despite your constant tugging on it. Its like you think I've sneaked a hat on you sometimes.
You're getting so big now. 22 lbs? Almost? And who even knows how tall. Too tall is the answer. I can no longer easily switch sides when nursing at night. I am picking up a toddler. Not that you've realized how big you are, since you still decide to turn sideways on the bed every night. I might wake up with you nursing but poor Daddy has your feet in his face, or worse, on his solar plexus!
Sometimes you let me put shoes on you and stand you up. You're still not brave enough or maybe strong enough to do it yourself or stay standing very long, but occasionally you let me hold your hand and you half-walk around. That's always pretty rewarding to me.
You're learning a lot from H. She is pretty verbal and you have learned to say "Daddy" in a pretty clear voice, you definitely say "Mom", "Mummum" and "Mama" clearly as well. H loves you like the little sister she's hoping to have soon. :)
You're waking up now, so I guess this is goodbye. Until next time, my love,
Mommy
Sunday, August 30, 2015
8 Months Eve
My sweet Babygirl,
You are asleep on my lap, head draped over my forearm, forcing me to type this at an extremely awkward angle. I would rather lose circulation in my hand than put you down.
Today you took extra-long to take a nap. Was it because we got to sleep in some today? Maybe you still can't adjust to lunch out on Sundays. You closed your eyes in the car on the way to the Asian Market, so I know you were tired. You rubbed your eyes in the hammock and rolled around the living room floor grumbling to yourself. You always grumble when you're sleepy.
I tried nursing you, as I always do, but you bit me and clawed at my breasts. You were hungry, but you're cutting your top front teeth and it feels good to clamp down. The clawing is because you find it amusing to see me wince. Thinking it was too hot since we have turned off the A/C for the season, I stripped you down to just your diaper. It helped, but I think turning off the light made more of a difference.
Daddy brought the fan in and I moved to the Poang chair with you. I laid you across my lap with the now-rarely-used boppy pillow and tried once more to get a good latch. You had begun to whimper at me by then, so I knew it was imperative that I get you comfortable before it turned into a full-on meltdown. I've gotten pretty good at reading you.
Just now you lifted your head and let out a mournful wail. You're asleep, though, so even though it breaks my heart, I let you be. You snuggled right back up to my chest and it was as if you never stirred at all.
I feel like time is flitting through my fingers. I guess every mom feels that way, but you are growing so big and so fast. I can't seem to come to terms with it. You're pulling up on everything now with such ease that you'd think there was never a time you could not. You're beginning to show some backbone, challenging me when I stop you from grabbing a cord or eating my shoes. You are strong-willed, but sweet. Your forehead boops make my days. I dont stand a chance against your mischievous grin after you bite me. And I could stare at you for hours on end while you sleep without once getting bored.
Dinner is ready and I'm going to have to attempt some stealthy maneuvers in order to eat and not wake you up. At least if I do wake you up, I'll get to see your pretty smile.
Love,
Mama
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Some time to write
It's getting more and more difficult to find the time to sit and write out a post. Evelyn is on the move these days, crawling up on all fours and making good time of it as well. She is getting into everything and chasing the cat all over the house.
I look back with misty eyes on those early days when she would nap on the bed all swaddled up in a blanket. Earlier this week Evie took her first tumble off the bed while I washed dishes. She'd kept me trapped for two hours while she napped and finally I managed to slip out from under her. Ten minutes into the third hour she must have awoken and instead of crying for me to rescue her from the pillow wall, she attempted to scale it. She landed solidly on her back, so no harm was done and not even a bump to the ol' noggin. But her pride was bruised, so of course Mommy Snuggles were necessary. I've learned I can no longer leave her asleep on the bed.
Some other changes we've noticed are:
I look back with misty eyes on those early days when she would nap on the bed all swaddled up in a blanket. Earlier this week Evie took her first tumble off the bed while I washed dishes. She'd kept me trapped for two hours while she napped and finally I managed to slip out from under her. Ten minutes into the third hour she must have awoken and instead of crying for me to rescue her from the pillow wall, she attempted to scale it. She landed solidly on her back, so no harm was done and not even a bump to the ol' noggin. But her pride was bruised, so of course Mommy Snuggles were necessary. I've learned I can no longer leave her asleep on the bed.
Some other changes we've noticed are:
- She will no longer go to everyone. Particularly my father and stepfather. They both get the stinky eye and the big cry if they pick her up. She still loves her Mummum (my grandmother) though.
- She's not as big a fan of the car anymore. We recently discovered her car seat was not in the correct location (oops, use this as a reminder to READ YOUR MANUALS!). After moving it to one side of the car, she no longer has the direct line of sight to us through the mirror. It makes for some rough nights if we stay out too late.
- She's sensitive to some sounds. None of the usual ones (fireworks, thunder, etc) but things like a drill or the dog whimpering make her cry. Sorry Boo.
- She is not my super-all-the-time-happy baby! She's taken to whining whenever I am trying to do anything that doesn't involve her. Talking to my friends, eating soup, typing blog posts all fall into this category.
So life is definitely becoming a bit more challenging. Gavin's mom is in the hospital right now for unknown reasons, so we're going to go down to Charlotte to help take care of things while she's laid up. I'm hoping the change in scenery wont throw us off too much.
And since I can't remember if I mentioned it last post, Evie has 2 lateral incisors in addition to her two bottom front teeth. She looks like a goofy little vampire and I love it. :)
Here are some photos to catch up:
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| Daddy and Evie at the park |
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| Turns out she loves splashing her feet in water |
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| Pond? YES PLEASE |
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| Grandma and Grandpa |
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| At the airport on the kiddie runway with Daddy |
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| Mommy and Evie on the Observation Deck |
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| Evie's pal at the kiddie runway |
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| Evie loves trees |
Sunday, August 2, 2015
7 months!
I know I just posted about my PPD/A, but I figured I would balance out the serious with a happy post.
Evelyn has been making great strides lately, including learning to crawl, pulling up/climbing and standing while holding onto things. It is insane how much she has accomplished in the last couple of weeks.
We've been trying to live cheaply because that will help me stay home with her longer, so our adventures have been to museums and parks lately. Whenever we visit a museum, aquarium or what have you, we keep an eye out for cool patches for the Ergo. She has quite a few so far and we're running out of room to sew them on, so pretty soon we might have to find her something else to put them on.
Evelyn has been making great strides lately, including learning to crawl, pulling up/climbing and standing while holding onto things. It is insane how much she has accomplished in the last couple of weeks.
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| She enjoyed the playground even though she's still too little to really ride the slide. |
This past week or so, Evie has entered into leap 6, which basically means she's become a velcro baby. She can't be out of eyesight at all and most of the time has to be within reach or actually attached to me. Babywearing makes my life so much easier, but this is still tough.
We've been reading Evie books every night before bed. She gets a few board books or a couple big stories and the last few nights we've been reading her a book on animals in the Pacific Northwest. She doesn't yet pay much attention to them, mostly she tries to eat them, but even so it is a fun settling activity.
Evie now has 3 teeth. Oddly enough her 3rd tooth is one of the top lateral incisors (tooth beside the front two). She uses it to bite hard on my nipples, fingers, dad's hands and baby carrots. She thinks its hilarious when I cry out in pain.
Her "show off" skills include:
- shaking her head "no" almost on command
- clapping
- crawling
- bouncing on her butt to her hands and knees
- high fives
She's not quite grasped the concept of giving kisses, but daddy taught her to bop heads as a greeting, so maybe that counts for something.
We've been going back and forth with table food, letting her try some of what we eat (Baby Led Weaning) and then also offering her some purees. She is only mildly interested in those. Mostly she would prefer BLW, but I am a nervous Nelly and I am just not organized enough to nurse between cooking and eating without our food getting cold. That sounds like an excuse and probably is. I'm not quite ready to not be Evie's sole source of nutrition! My body makes the perfect food and what if I don't do so great at making table food meals for her!? I'm a mess, I know.
Evie's favorite pastime is chasing the cat around the room. And by chasing I mean the cat sprawls a few feet ahead of her, she crawls to the kitty and just as she's reaching out to grab a tail or a paw or a bunch of fur, kitty moves another couple feet ahead. It's quite entertaining and I'm very impressed at the cat's calmness around Evie. It should go without saying that they are always supervised.
Evie's favorite toys right now are a FP remote that sings a creepy song, her rainbow donut stacker, a fox clip-on rattle, the manta ray her Aunt Aurora bought from the VA Aquarium and (as always) her Pink Bunny.
On Tuesday Evie will see her physical therapist for hopefully one of the last times. I can't wait to hear what they have to say about how far she's come! :)
Here are some more photos to keep you in the loop. Thanks for reading!
Here are some more photos to keep you in the loop. Thanks for reading!
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| Arm Day at the playground :) |
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| Celebrating 7 months of awesomeness |
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| Being a pirate at the History Museum |
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| Sometimes the used bookstore has boxes of rad toys! |
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| Okay I guess sometimes she pays atention |
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| Big whisk takers. |
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| Happy Breastfeeding Awareness Week!! |
When Things Become Too Much
About two weeks ago, I finally got the courage up to see a doctor about my post pardum anxiety and depression. My doctor put me on Zoloft and set me up with a therapist to talk to. I see my therapist on Tuesday, but in the last two weeks on Zoloft I have seen a huge improvement in my outlook on life.
I'm about to get real personal here, so brace yourselves.
In the beginning, when Evie was tiny and fresh, I had this strength that I didn't know was there. I used it all up to get through her NICU stay. When she came home, I rode this wave of relief and excitement powered by adrenaline. I hit cruising speed at about 4 months. In those first 4 months, the pediatrician always had a pre-visit survey to gauge how new moms were doing themselves. I always felt I could answer "just as happy or happier" and "not sad at all". After the 4 month visit, those questionnaires went away. And that's exactly when I began to feel this cloud looming over me.
At first it was just some panic here and there. We bedshare and I would wake up and feel the need to check Evie's breathing. I would sleep with my hand on her chest if she wasn't nursing. Then I started having bad dreams. Pretty soon I didn't want to sleep at all. I would stay up on my phone, distracting myself from sleep because it always meant waking up with my heart pounding and sometimes full-on crying.
The daytime wasn't so bad. I would have moments of panic, but mostly I could distract myself. But even daytime ended up falling victim to my depression. I lost the desire to leave the house at all. I didn't want to stay home either though, because the dishes needed to be done and the laundry was piling up. I couldn't get out of bed til mid afternoon some days. At the worst, I would have only just woken up when Gavin would come home from work.
I confided my affliction to a few people. My mom, Gavin, a couple friends. They told me to seek help, but it's much easier said than done. You see, on top of my depression and anxiety was this fear. Probably from watching too many episodes of Forensic Files. I thought if anyone found out I was suffering, they'd immediately assume I was going to hurt my precious little girl. And I could never dream of such a thing. I thought about mentioning my predicament to the pediatrician at her 6 month appointment but I chickened out. I thought they'd take Evie away. I was scared to tell anyone the deepest, darkest details and I couldn't find that courage to make the phone call.
Luckily, I have one friend in particular who is a real motivator. She helped me figure out who to call and promised me that no one would try to take Evie away over me feeling overwhelmed. She promised me I was a good mom and that it is 100% normal for this to happen. And she was right! One in ten new moms experiences PPD/Anxiety. That might not sound like much, but it is. And doctors are more than willing to help you if you call on them.
In the last two weeks I have watched myself go from the shell of who I used to be to a better me. I know that sounds cheesy. I am not where I want to be just yet, but with a little dosage tinkering and some therapy, I think I can be.
It sure as hell feels great just to be able to sleep again.
I'm about to get real personal here, so brace yourselves.
In the beginning, when Evie was tiny and fresh, I had this strength that I didn't know was there. I used it all up to get through her NICU stay. When she came home, I rode this wave of relief and excitement powered by adrenaline. I hit cruising speed at about 4 months. In those first 4 months, the pediatrician always had a pre-visit survey to gauge how new moms were doing themselves. I always felt I could answer "just as happy or happier" and "not sad at all". After the 4 month visit, those questionnaires went away. And that's exactly when I began to feel this cloud looming over me.
At first it was just some panic here and there. We bedshare and I would wake up and feel the need to check Evie's breathing. I would sleep with my hand on her chest if she wasn't nursing. Then I started having bad dreams. Pretty soon I didn't want to sleep at all. I would stay up on my phone, distracting myself from sleep because it always meant waking up with my heart pounding and sometimes full-on crying.
The daytime wasn't so bad. I would have moments of panic, but mostly I could distract myself. But even daytime ended up falling victim to my depression. I lost the desire to leave the house at all. I didn't want to stay home either though, because the dishes needed to be done and the laundry was piling up. I couldn't get out of bed til mid afternoon some days. At the worst, I would have only just woken up when Gavin would come home from work.
I confided my affliction to a few people. My mom, Gavin, a couple friends. They told me to seek help, but it's much easier said than done. You see, on top of my depression and anxiety was this fear. Probably from watching too many episodes of Forensic Files. I thought if anyone found out I was suffering, they'd immediately assume I was going to hurt my precious little girl. And I could never dream of such a thing. I thought about mentioning my predicament to the pediatrician at her 6 month appointment but I chickened out. I thought they'd take Evie away. I was scared to tell anyone the deepest, darkest details and I couldn't find that courage to make the phone call.
Luckily, I have one friend in particular who is a real motivator. She helped me figure out who to call and promised me that no one would try to take Evie away over me feeling overwhelmed. She promised me I was a good mom and that it is 100% normal for this to happen. And she was right! One in ten new moms experiences PPD/Anxiety. That might not sound like much, but it is. And doctors are more than willing to help you if you call on them.
In the last two weeks I have watched myself go from the shell of who I used to be to a better me. I know that sounds cheesy. I am not where I want to be just yet, but with a little dosage tinkering and some therapy, I think I can be.
It sure as hell feels great just to be able to sleep again.
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