End of August Update

My sweet little Beans,

August has been eventful! In the beginning of the month, Mabel was enrolled in a ballet class. Unfortunately, whether due to COVID or some other reason, she was one of only two students and lost interest fairly quickly. It was a fun attempt, but we ultimately decided not to go back.

We took hikes with Daddy, on his days off, gathering more hours for outdoors and exploring our little neck of the woods. 

We traveled down to NC to visit our friends Renata and Julia and their kids. A weekend of fun relaxing in the basement of Renata's house while the kids rekindled old friendships. It had been over a year since we were last all together and they picked up right where they left off. 

Next we hit up some museums on the particularly hot days. We went to the Barry Art Museum as well as Nauticus. 

I tried my hand at crepes and found out I'm pretty darn good at it! So we got a little crepe crazy for a couple weeks.

In mid-August, the day before our big family trip to DC, Evie slid her back down a door frame and got one heck of a splinter. We were tossed about to different medical facilities before we landed in the children's ER. For as much effort as it took to get someone to take it out, it healed almost immediately. Thank goodness. 

Our DC trip was the best family trip I've ever been on in my life. You girls loved the hotel, we saw so many museums and the gardens! Oh, the gardens. Such beautiful flowers and plants. We even managed to enjoy the National Mall despite the heat. We absolutely loved the Smithsonian Natural History museum but we also went to the Castle and the Air and Space museums too. The only snag we ran into was on the day we were set to leave. The Smithsonian zoo ran out of parking and we were forced to make alternative plans. Quickly, Dad set into action and found us a park to hike at and you girls played in the water and rocks for a bit before the rain chased us back to the car. 

The drive home from DC was relatively uneventful until we got to the bridge we have to cross to get back to Norfolk. Traffic backed up so long and so far that I was very glad we did not decide to take my car. No AC would have been absolutely miserable. But we did eventually make it through and once home, we were all happy to see Sydney and Pepper. Pepper was only mildly annoyed to see we had returned. 

Back at home, we made a paper chain to count down the days til school starts. We did school supply shopping and found out Mabel was waitlisted for the preschool program. So it's just gonna be me and Mabel at home this fall while Evie gets to return to in-person schooling. 

Seeing as we'd been out of town a bunch, we decided to make a dedicated playdate to hang out with Grandma. She treated us to lunch and a trip to the trampoline park where both of you girls impressed me with your skills at climbing out of the foam pit. I, on the other hand, struggled some. 

And of course you can't have one grandma without the other! Granny drove up for a day to spend time with you girls and do some thrifting and chatting with me too. We miss her being so far away, but she is coming back for the first day of school. :)

Each day this month, Evie has been doing reading lessons so she can return to school prepared for first grade. Mabel's been practicing her writing and learning letters. Since Mabel won't be able to go to preschool in person, I'm going to find her a preschool curriculum to teach from. 

So as you can see, August was absolutely brimming with fun, adventure, conflict, injury, romance! Okay, maybe not really romance? But definitely the rest. Speaking of rest, it might be time to wind this down. Here are some photos from the month. I love you both so much I could cry. Thank you for being my incredible daughters. <3

Mom

April, 2021

 Evelyn and Mabel,

I write to you this afternoon during a time of rest. Evie, you're playing one of Dad's videogames and Mabel, you're sleeping peacefully in my bed, snuggled up under all the blankets even though its almost seventy degrees outside. Our new cat Pepper is curled up between my arms, making every attempt to interrupt this letter to you. But I'm sure she means no harm. :)

We have now lived in our new home for a few weeks and explored most of the corners of the yard as well as the house itself. You two share a room upstairs and haven't managed to keep it clean for an entire day yet, but that was why I made the upstairs room yours; I wont ever worry too much about it being messy since I don't have to be up there much. 

Our days are pretty laid back, recently, as we have mostly unpacked things. We wake up, make breakfast, eat together at the table, talk about our dreams or what we would like to do today, then you two scamper off to the yard while I do the dishes, make my bed, clean up my room and the dining room, living room and kitchen and do some laundry. Then I join you out in the yard and hang the laundry while you both dig in the dirt and play with your dolls and tools. Pretty soon it's lunchtime and we once again gather at the table to nourish our bodies and our minds. You see, Evie, you like to bring a workbook and study and Mabel, you and I talk about all the questions you have in this world. And you sure do have a lot of questions. 
After lunch I take the laundry down from the line and we take Sydney for a walk around the neighborhood. We mostly stick to the loop surrounding our house, but the other day we took an almost mile-long walk to the post office drop box to mail a letter and wouldn't you know it, there was a street sign that said Juniper on it! Marvelous. These are the things that make life special. Little unexpected smiles from the universe that remind you that you aren't alone.
After our walks we come home and it's back to choring for me, while you two play upstairs or back in the yard or even down in the living room. Sometimes we put the TV on so you guys will give me some dedicated time to a task, other times we sit down together to play a game, do some schoolwork or work in the garden together. Most days I start dinner before Dad gets home and then we eat together before brushing teeth, putting pajamas on, reading books and giving hugs and kisses goodnight. 

The days seem long but they pass by rather quickly and I'm only keenly aware that my little baby girls are growing up so quickly. I try to take plenty of pictures to capture these moments with you both, but sometimes its better when I don't have my phone in my hand. I might be sad in the moment that it won't be something I've captured on (metaphorical) film forever, but its a golden memory in my heart. 

We have baby birds in our window this Spring. They're house finches and they're so cute. I lift you each up to see them while the mama is away, but we try not to disturb them much. They'll be big enough to try to fly soon, I think. I can't wait to see that. We have a camera set up to keep an eye on them. 

I don't get much time to sit down and write these days, but I hope that one day you will have this to look back and read and remember all the fun times we have and know how much I truly love you both.

Love, 

Mom

Forever Home

My lovely children, it is late. It is after 11pm and I am heading to bed, but as of Friday, March 18th, we have our "forever home" and I could not be happier. I will try to remember to edit this and go into more detail later on, but I just couldn't go to sleep without posting that we found and bought a home! 

Special Moments

Evelyn,

I share a lot of our lives on social media. Sometimes it's for inspiring others or just documentation, an online scrapbook of sorts. But there are some memories that I feel more protective of, that I prefer to keep close to the vest. Tonight was one of those. And while I know this is in fact MORE public than my social media, I feel comfortable sharing since no one else will likely ever read this but you. 

Tonight you laid in bed for a couple hours, fighting sleep with all your might. Finally you crept out of your room and into mine, sneaking into my bed and asking if tonight could be the night I let, no, make you stay up all night. I laughed. This goal of yours to stay up all night long is sweet. You just want to know what we do once you're asleep but there's really nothing exciting happening. I scroll on my phone, watching funny videos and Dad plays games. Sometimes we play cards or a board game or we lay in bed and talk or read, but it's nothing thrilling for a 6 year old.

You wanted to stay up. I admit I'm not the one who came up with the concept of bedtime for you. I don't care much for bedtime myself so naturally I don't take much pleasure in putting you to bed. But Dad prefers you to have a predictable schedule so I go along with it. 

But Dad was not in our room tonight.

So I let you snuggle up and we laid there talking, me gazing at this marvelous creature I brought forth from my womb just a little over 6 years ago. Feels like only days. 

You ask me questions, wanting to see if you can bring forth a long, drawn-out answer that might tease a few more minutes of wakefulness out of me. You think I'm not onto your schemes. Your forced chuckles to distract me from remembering that it is almost 4 hours past your bedtime. But I'm happy to have your company. It's not often that we have quality alone time. I'm drawn into my phone a lot and you have Mabel on your tail. I am living for these quiet moments where we can just be.

Your mind is really endless. The things you think of astound me sometimes. Your perceptions of your small world, and the larger world too. I wonder how much of this time you'll remember as you get older. 

You held out as long as possible, until Dad came in to chase you back to bed. But then he didn't even run you off. I think he realized the importance of this time for all of us. You squished between us and we talked about how you used to sleep across us, like an H, with your head on Dad's chest and feet on my tummy. This made you giggle. You still have your infectious laugh after 6 years. I hope you always keep it.

When we finally put you to bed, you had us do your old nighttime routine of hugs, kisses, butterfly kisses, ugga muggas, hand squeezes and kisses. Even when five minutes prior you were stunning me with your philosophizing, this little act reminds me that you are still just a child and all of your thoughts swirling around in that beautiful head are just beginning to learn how to organize. One day you're going to change the world.

Thank you for tonight and for every moment I get to be your mom. ♥️

January 2021

 Sweet Evelyn,

I know I recently updated, but I feel compelled to write tonight.

I felt a little unsettled tonight and decided to get my things organized for the next week of homeschooling. In doing so I began to think about how we have been doing this homeschool kindergarten for 19 weeks. Nineteen weeks we have sat around a table, on the floor, ran around outside trying to convey the information needed to place you in first grade this fall. My head spins just thinking about it. We are over halfway through the school year now. 

I went through my emails from your pre-K teacher, the ones from the beginning of this pandemic standing out to me. She had sent resources, learning websites at first. Then the kindergarten readiness guide to help us figure out the rest of what you needed to know before they you supposed to return to school in the fall. Instead we ended up homeschooling. Thankfully, that allowed us to go at our own pace. I went back through these resources and opened the ones I think of which may still get some use. Particularly the spelling and reading-related ones. You've done a great amount of exploring outdoors this year, but we have been sticking fairly close to our meager curriculum for reading exercises. I'm not impressed with the speed at which it seems to go, however. I don't typically align with the attitude of pressuring kids to learn everything, but I also don't want you to fall behind. 

This year we decided to re-commit to the 1000 hours outside goal that we probably reached last year, but didn't keep track. This year we are marking it on a sheet as well as tracking with an app. We've got 10.2 hours on day 4. To hit our goal, we need to average about 2.75 hours per day. I imagine in the Spring, Summer and Fall we will accumulate way more than we do in Winter. As I've told my friends, I can do cold and I can do wet, but I don't do cold and wet very well. And neither do you and your sister. So far you are enjoying the outings, making friends when we can and taking notes on things you see when we aren't with friends. One day you drew a duck that you saw. Today you found a dead raccoon under a pine tree by the trail and exclaimed, "That's the first raccoon I've seen in real life!" You were sad it was dead, but amazed nonetheless. You took note of its little teeth showing beneath a curled lip and postulated about how it came to meet its fate.

This time last year I was writing about how I wished we had more time together since you had started school. I guess I got my wish! Reading through your 5 year post made me tear up with sadness at how fast a year has flown by. And at how much you have changed, I have changed, everything has changed. I really find myself wishing I could be more for you and Mabel. More present, more courageous, more loving. Not that you are lacking in any of those, but I just wish I could give more. Your mind is expanding rapidly now to where I don't feel as though I can keep up with how much you want to know. I pick up on your eyes squinting as you try to read between the lines of comments and find the true meaning. You're learning to pick up on sarcasm fairly well and questioning a lot of the folk lore you've heard over the years. I doubt we have much more time with Santa and the Tooth Fairy. 

Here are some photos of our time spent outdoors this year:

 

Closing Out 2020

 Sweet Evelyn Marie,

It is early December, but I know myself better than to think I will remember to write this before the new year dawns, so here we are. You're nearly 6 years old now. The last 10-odd months since the coronavirus COVID-19 became pandemic have been a real whirlwind for you, for me, for all of us. I went into a lot of detail on the last update so I won't go into too much more here. Suffice it to say that Donald Trump lost re-election and Covid hasn't gotten any better. There is so so much more I could say, but I am just not up to it tonight. I'd much rather write to you about you.

The other day you lost your third tooth. It was one of your top lateral incisors and you look just absolutely adorable with a little gap in your mouth from where the tooth fell. Your grin charms every room you enter and you are excited for the ability to use a straw without opening your mouth. :)

You've grown an awful lot in the last year and I'm truly looking forward to learning your new "stats" when we go for your 6 year old appointment. At the very least, your hair has grown back out to your shoulders (most of it anyway). 

Your sense of humor is coming along nicely. I get to hear silly jokes about ghost goats scaring themselves in mirrors and cracks about chickens crossing the road. You've even made a few puns. So has your sister, on that note. I'm very proud of both of you and your ability to take things with humor.

You've been writing a lot more lately. You almost never want to read anything yourself, but if you have something you want the world to know, you'll find a way to get it in writing. You sound things out wonderfully and while we have a lot of work to do on spelling, all in due time. 

You've been letting me know your innermost thoughts, feelings and desires and I truly feel honored to have secured that trust with you. I love that you tell me how sometimes you feel like you're dreaming. You get things stuck in your brain at night and just have to come out and tell us before you can sleep. A good hug and kiss, a listening ear and some reassurance later and you're back in bed. 

You're still the best big sister I've ever known anyone to be. You care for Mabel in a gentle but firm, sometimes taunting way, but always with love. You guide her on how to do things correctly and you let me know when she's falling a little on the wayside.

I hope that in your eyes I'm doing a good job. I have hard days where I yell and am not always the easiest to get along with, where I feel like I'm getting a glimpse into your teenage years even, but we always find a way to make up and I hope we always will. 

You're still an explorer of your world. You seek out abandoned stuff just like me and your dad did before you were born. You want to carry vines, sticks, rocks, dig in the dirt and feel leaves on every hike. And we go on a lot of hikes.

We started homeschooling since I last wrote and while we have done so much tinkering to the curriculum and the style of teaching, I think we are doing pretty good. You learn on Mondays and Tuesdays each week and get to play the rest of the days. It gives you a good break between the focused learning and the playing to learn. You're not much for homeschooling in general, though, and you've asked several times about when you'll get to return to "real school". I look forward to that day, too, kiddo, because you really do shine when you're in your zone. 

The cold weather has returned to us and you're disappointed you can't wear dresses 24/7. I try to accommodate your desires when I can, but you don't like wearing pants under dresses, either, so my hands are kind of tied. I have weaned you off of your black and white striped dress, for the most part. We picked out some other nice-feeling dresses and clothes that you can feel comfortable in, including some fuzzy pink pants that make you look like you're a college kid home for Christmas break. Yeesh!

You're still getting more TV than I'm really happy about, but at least its mostly limited to the morning when I'm too lazy to get up yet, the afternoons when I'm making dinner and at other peoples' houses (like our homeschool friends or your aunt Aurora's) and I don't really mind that. You like Bob's Burgers, Trash Truck, Boss Baby and a handful of other obnoxious shows I can't think of at the moment. I'm sure some of them are mildly educational. Most probably aren't though. Oh well. It's a pandemic, after all. 

You're getting more and more into my own music taste, probably since that's all you hear. Regina Spektor, JJ Heller, Frankie Cosmos, and Lenka are just a few of the artists you request to listen to in the car, before bed or just bumming around at home. 

You're still very much into fairies, although I think you've come to terms with not being one yourself. You squirrel away the recyclables that you go through throughout the day and bring them to a part of the yard that you call your "fairy land" and as far as I can tell, it's a magical place for fairies to gather. I love your sense of magic about the world and that you're willing to share it with Mabel when she shows interest too.

Despite the precautions of social distancing in place, you're still quite social and introduce yourself to just about anyone we interact with from the startbucks barista to the homeless man on the corner begging for change to the dad of the little boy you met at the playground. You have never met a stranger and while this socially-anxious mama freezes up a lot when you introduce yourself and Mabel and tell everyone your ages and where you live, I suppose I wouldn't have made some of the friends I have without you. So thank you, my dear, for being your outgoing self. 

Speaking of people experiencing homelessness: you have often asked what their signs say and depending on the answer, you either tell me we should help them with change or cash or tell me how much you wish you could help everyone. You have a really good heart. I try to let you have the cup holder change whenever I can and with your mask on, you're allowed to hand it out the window to the people on the corners. I struggled a lot with whether to give you the insight I have of some of those people being grifters, but I recall your Granny helping strangers and why discourage it?

Your grandma and grandpa on Dad's side live with us now. I can't remember if I mentioned that they were moving in before. They've been here since September and you are loving it. We try to make sure we aren't all up on each other in this house, which can be difficult, but Grandpa Max has said that hearing yours and Mabel's squeals while he works in the home office warms his heart. He's been waiting for this for a very long time. 

He's taught you quite a bit about Jesus, God and all of that stuff. Not being religious myself I had some issues with this, but ultimately concluded that the decision of whether you should believe in that or not lies solely with you and as long as we all own our beliefs, I don't mind if he tells you the stories from the bible. And you do like to hear them. It encourages a lot of conversations between us too. I am often in awe at how your mind thinks and what what you hear turns into when you repeat it back. It's very fascinating.

You're completely asleep at the top of your bed with your sister sprawled out beside you with no pillow at the moment. In just a few short hours you'll be at my side asking me to make breakfast for you or which carton is the whole milk, so I better wrap this up. 

I love you more than life itself. I love you from the top of your head to the bottoms of your feet and to the moon and back. You've made me so happy to be your mom and even when I feel stressed and frazzled to my breaking point, you find a way to bring me back down to earth and I don't know what I would do without you. Thank you for being the kid that made me a mom and if I forget to write again around your birthday, Happy early Birthday, Kiddo. I hope six brings you so many adventures. 

A 2020 update

 Evelyn Marie!! You are now 5 years, 7 months and 11 days. I can't believe how this year is going. Back in January I had no idea what we would be facing. We had been hearing murmurings of a new virus that was going around in Wuhan, China. The world began to panic a little, but no one expected things to get so out of hand. Before we knew it there was a global pandemic. Schools shut down and you didn't get to finish your preschool year. It was a really big change for you and by zoom calls and curbside, social-distancing visits from your teacher, you somehow managed to adjust to our new normal. Not that anything feels normal yet. 

    For a time the shops were all closed, playgrounds, even the beaches were restricted. We were relegated to the woods and neighborhood for walks to get time outside. A bunch of businesses started giving out free printables for kids, or free subscriptions to their learning apps. People bought all of the toilet paper in hordes. I still don't understand why. 

    When the virus started exploding in America, we were all encouraged to wash hands, wear masks and stay away from crowds. So many people complied readily, because, of course! It's for the greater good! But a lot of people also decided not to. They claimed mandating masks was taking away freedom. Because of that, the virus got a foothold in America. 

    We are about 4 months in and the numbers continue to rise. At the beginning of the pandemic I took screenshots of the ticker to watch it grow and remember this time.  I began screen-capping at 218k cases on March 18th. On April 1st we reached 932,605 cases worldwide. As of today, August 11, 2020 the world has 20 million cases and still grows. 736,254 people have died from the coronavirus known as Covid19. I cannot fathom how we have let it get this bad, but a lot of people hold our president accountable for the state of things. He has done a lot to make things worse when given options to make things better. 

    We are currently in Phase Three of our reopening plan. Most of the businesses have returned to normal operating hours, though some have senior or immuno-compromised hours. Masks are mandated inside all businesses. Some stores are giving single-use masks out, but plenty of shops are selling them as well. The sewing guild in the area took to the task of making several hundred, if not thousands of cloth masks, buying up almost all of the cotton cloth from the local fabric store! Dad brought home a bunch of masks for us and you and Mabel did not put up much of a fight to wear them. I'm so proud of you guys. Mabel also has really gotten into hand-washing as well. 

    Schools here in Norfolk are going virtual for the 2020-2021 school year, but we have decided that all of that screentime would do you no favors so we have joined with one other family to take turns homeschooling you and their 5 year old son. I have had way too much fun planning the curriculum and setting up our classroom. I am excited to give you some semblance of normal in a time where everything feels so out of whack.

    I mentioned that screen time would not be beneficial to you, but in complete honesty, most days you are getting more than a couple of hours of screen time anyway, and none of it is educational. Unless Captain Underpants actually relays some sort of education that I haven't noticed (and that is entirely possible because I pay zero attention while its on). I have struggled a lot with this transition and all the changes we have had to our lives. Where we used to go thrifting often, we no longer do so. The museums, aquariums, zoos, etc all have scheduled visits now and I don't typically operate well by planning ahead. I'm hoping that schooling with another mom will help keep me on track. 

    At the beginning of the pandemic I signed on to found a local chapter of the Free Forest School. I got so excited to do this. I was eager to get you out to the woods and among other children and set you free to explore. Covid put that plan on hold indefinitely. I still bring you to the woods often, but it just isn't the same as what I had envisioned for you. The FFS is going through a lot of change itself, with some focus on how they are creating an inclusive environment for people from all backgrounds. 

    Around the end of May, a Black man named George Floyd was killed by police over a counterfeit twenty-dollar bill. They knelt on his neck for over 8 minutes as he cried out, eventually suffocating him to death. Protests erupted around the country, and then the world. The Black Lives Matter movement that started after the shooting of Trayvon Martin by a man named George Zimmerman in July 2013 and has repeatedly resurfaced with each murdered Black man, woman or child, reemerged once again. While we did not go to any of the protests, we supported the movement financially and through our actions. You and I had a talk about Trayvon Martin and ever since, whenever you want to talk about him again, you ask about "the boy in the hoodie with the skittles". We have had many conversations about race, privilege, our duty to bring equity to the world and hold others accountable as well. It's a work in progress and I hope that you do a better job than I have done so far, though I'm trying. 

    The police murdered more than George Floyd this year and like Covid, the numbers continue to rise. Breonna Taylor was sleeping when her apartment was sprayed with bullets, killing her. Looking back through the news reports, several Black folks have been murdered over the years without ever committing a crime, but those who were committing a crime still deserved justice to be applied through the system and not dealt by a bullet. My heart aches for the families of those who have laid their loved ones to rest knowing that the police may never be held accountable for their crimes. 

    2020 has handed us a big pile of steaming poop, but at least the year seems to be flying by. Normally I would not be so excited, but it's been an awful year for our country and it is election year! There is a whole can of worms I could open on how that may be handled with Covid going on, but maybe I'll save that for a different post. Suffice it to say that our president has already hinted that he may try to delay the election. That should tell you enough about who he is. I'm almost glad that you probably wont remember this time too in-depth because it might horrify you to know what we are dealing with. I can only hope that by the time you read this, things have gotten much better. 

    I haven't yet written about you, which is really the point of these letters, so lets get down to it. You are a magical kid. You are still very much into fairies and ask me regularly whether you are a fairy. You wear a fairy costume with a dress and wings, receive fairy mail and read fairy books. You are also into playing cafe and often ask me what I'd like to order. You got a bike a few weeks ago and though it's been too hot to really take it for rides, you do roll around on it inside and I think when fall arrives we will have a lot of fun taking it out on the sidewalks. 

You're a really good eater. It took forever to get here, but you're willing to at least try a bite of pretty much everything we put in front of you. And sometimes you surprise yourself by liking it! 

I'm doing everything I can to promote curiosity and an adventurous spirit within you and Mabel. When we find small things outside, we bring them in to check them out under the microscope. When you have a question, we search together for answers. You're really into experimenting right now, so I've been working on teaching you the scientific method. It makes my heart so happy to see you immerse yourself in a project. You say "experience" instead of "experiment" too, which is super cute. 

You are really into picking your own clothes these days, so 99% of the time you end up in a dress. Probably 30% of the time it's a black and white striped dress that you lovingly refer to as your "zebra dress" and you never want to take it off. I don't blame you, because it looks so comfy. Mabel, your constant companion and wannabe understudy also prefers dresses and is much more opinionated about it too!

You both watch a lot of TV these days. Sometimes its because I'm just not up to momming but most of the time its because its too dang hot outside to try to do anything entertaining. You like Captain Underpants, Oddbots, Masha and the Bear, a few others of which I can't remember the names. You're still into Jurassic Park and at least once a week you and Mabel duet the title song. It's still as cute as ever. 

Music-wise you are into Elizabeth Mitchell, Caspar Babypants, Disney songs, plus a bunch of songs Dad puts on the Alexa for you to dance to. Every night you and Mabel ask for music to fall asleep to, but you always end up staying up late enough that the music turns off. Maybe that's for the best. I loved listening to music at night as a kid, but we always listening to classical and I cannot imagine hearing "Under The Sea" while trying to sleep would result in rest. 

You lost two teeth at the beginning of the pandemic. Yesterday you showed me that you might possibly be getting ready to lose a third. Little things like this are enough to throw me for a loop, but just before you lost those teeth, you made the decision to chop your hair off! You went from butt-length hair to a much more manageable pixie cut. You loved it at first, though you've lamented often that you miss your long hair. I miss it too, but I will always encourage you to have autonomy over your appearance and I suppose I don't miss the daily fights over brushing it either. 

While I've been working on this for an hour and a half, I've had The Office playing in the background. You and Mabel are so tired of this show, but for most of America, it's a staple. I laugh when you groan about me turning it on. Secretly you both know you enjoy it as well. Why else would you have bothered to learn the names of the characters? :P

I should wrap this up now as it is almost 5am and Dad or Mabel will be waking up soon. I love you more than ever and I am so proud of who you are. Every mistake you make teaches you a lesson and you carry that knowledge forth. I am ready to see what the future holds for you. 

Love, 

Mom