Abolish Sanctimommy!

Happy 11 months Evie! :) Mommy loves you!

As we enter Evie's 11th month Earthside, I would like to talk about that pesky thing we all love to call Sanctimommy. That "I can raise my child better than you can raise yours" attitude. It's despicable, really, but we're all guilty of it.
Did you know that before I became a mom I was an expert on how to raise everyone else's children? It's true, I knew everything. I knew if I were put in charge of Betty's bedtime, she'd be asleep by 7pm every night. None of this waking every 2 hours crap. Can you believe it? Yeah, me neither.
And here's the thing: when Evie came home and was an excellent sleeper from the start, that sort of cemented my confidence that I was just really really good at parenting. What a load of crap, huh?
The truth is, Evie is just a really good sleeper. She's a pretty good kid, too. Not too many tantrums (yet) and she is very laid back. It took me a long time to get a reality check. And it wasn't even like an all-at-once thing, either. But now that I've "woken up" I can see just how useless and actually detrimental it is to think that only your way is correct.
Whenever you try to convince a mother that her choices are wrong, you're undermining her confidence in mothering. That is extremely harmful and can be a huge contributing factor to postpartum depression as well as anxiety. You're telling her that she's not good enough.
I know that in general, women aren't going up to other women in grocery stores and telling them how to get their child up out of the temper tantrum on the floor. I can see it happening occasionally, but I think one of the few benefits of being an isolated society (we'd rather look at our phones than at each other) is that we tend to stay out of others' business when it doesn't concern us. But put those same moms in a facebook group and all hell breaks loose. Other places we face this criticism are from friends and family members. Your own parents might be talking down to you at this moment, telling you they did not raise you to coddle your infant and pick him up at every whimper. To that I say: If they truly believe they were capable parents, then they should trust the product of their parenting to make responsible decisions, even if they do not match the choices they themselves (would) have made. It's as simple as that. Your mom may not believe in extended breastfeeding, but she taught you to take care of your child, to meet their every need and to be there for them. Your interpretation of that may be different than hers and that's okay.
As for me, I am making conscious decisions about what I say and how I say it. I don't always agree with every choice I see moms of older kids making, but I know that until I'm faced with their particular situation, I have no actual clue as to how I will respond. My views often change, as evidenced by my previous posts. And for babies Evie's age and younger, well, the same is true. And just because I have faced certain situations and handled them differently doesn't mean my way would have worked for other parents.
So think twice when you decide to voice your opinion to a mom who may not have even asked for it. And when they do, be gentle, graceful and understanding. Try to put yourself in their shoes, but know that even in doing so, you cannot begin to understand who they are.
Love to all,
Sarah

A Smooth Sea Never Made A Skilled Sailor

I haven't posted in a couple months because let's face it, the days are getting really busy. Aside from wrangling this crawling little wiggle worm I call Evelyn, I have started nannying for an 18 month old little girl who is just the sweetest thing ever. Despite that, it's still a handful to manage the both of them and I often come home exhausted and touched out.
So here's a little recap of month 9 and a little bit about the beginning of month 10:
We took in as much sunshine as we could while it was out, making sure to visit many parks and trails.

 Evie went down her first slide (and loved it). I took Evelyn to Marbles kids museum for the first time, too, and it was surprisingly accommodating for a non-walker. Some other places we went were:
-the power plant's family day
-church, so my grandparents could finally introduce Evie to their friends
-an endless string of family and friends houses.
We finally got into a real swing of hanging out with my new mom friends and their babies. Nothing feels better than finding your people!
 Evelyn really got the hang of crawling in September. She started pulling up on all the things, reaching for anything close enough to grab. She started pulling everything down and throwing whatever she couldn't knock down.
Evelyn's palette for food was pretty expansive. We were amazed at her ability to pick up food and put it in her mouth, chew it and swallow, all without gagging. Well, there was a little gagging. Luckily I've watched the youtube videos on how to deal with a choking child and I know the difference between choking and gagging. ;)
The biting during nursing became a pretty regular thing, but also random bites elsewhere. The chin? Cheek? Knee? I learned to expect the unexpected. That meant some serious child-proofing had to happen. We tucked away cords, blocked off shelves, picked up dog bowls and got serious about the vacuuming every day (for awhile, anyway. I'm not perfect!). Evie still manages to find the stray hang tag from a new outfit on a freshly vacuumed floor.
I have newfound love for her wardrobe.

She has now outgrown all of the hand-me-downs and all of her clothes are handpicked by me from Target's clearance section or from the website when I was bored and should have been watching TV. :P I have documented many a cute outfit with photos and I am definitely guilty of purchasing the same outfit a size up so I can continue to enjoy it as long as possible.
I left Evie with my mom for a few hours to go enjoy a show with my friend. It was still not quite as freeing as I expected it to be, because I still thought about Evie the whole time, but I did have fun. I even drank some wine.
In late September, Evie began climbing furniture. She would climb onto the ottoman, up the couch and stand on the pillows to reach the bar. There's not really child-proofing that, I've found.
I really didn't cherish my SAHM days as much as I should have, because in October a job fell into my lap. As mentioned earlier, my charge is an 18 month old girl. Her uncle used to watch her but wanted to 'retire' so her mom posted an ISO Nanny job listing on facebook. I jumped on it because I had missed the opportunity to work at a baby boutique (and bring Evelyn with me). Turns out this job was actually about a thousand times better. Good pay, flexible time off, I get to take Evie with me and if we go out, H can come too! I even get vacation, which just happens to fall around Evie's birthday. :D The only downside I see, really, is dividing my attention from Evie. Of course she doesn't seem to mind, she is very independent and can amuse herself (to a degree). Still, I wish I could somehow have the best of both worlds. I miss the lazy mornings at home and my house has certainly taken a turn for the messy since I started work. I don't see how this could be, though, since I'm not really the one that does the cleaning around here.
So October was more visiting with family. Evelyn met my cousin Paul, who of course instantly fell in love with her (and who can blame him?) and she visited with my grandparents a LOT. She might be my grandma's favorite person in the world.

My mom made Evie's Halloween costume; she was a mouse with big floppy ears and a cute tail. Evelyn hated the ears/hat and pulled it off every chance she got. I still managed to catch some cute pictures though. We did a lot of little crafts to make keepsakes for her memory book.

I have fallen further behind on that than I have on this. We did the usual festivities for the season: hay rides, corn mazes (my first ever!) and we took some photos outside in the gorgeous 3 day Autumn we experienced.
That basically sums up months 8 and 9. Here's month 10, which I will address to my sweetheart herself:

Evelyn,
My sweet angel, you drive me batty. November has only just begun and you've already run me ragged. Your first ER visit was on Sunday, for your breathing troubles. It was just a virus and you're feeling much better now, but you gave me quite a fright. I don't like being uncertain about your health and it made it worse to hear so much conflicting information from the doctors. (ER says steamy showers don't help the airways, Ped says they do. -_-) We got in and out fairly quickly, though, which made the snuggles til morning all the more pleasant. Your pitiful cough still broke my heart.
Because of your sickness, I imagine, your throat is hurting. That might be why you've abandoned all solid food for nursing 24/7. My nipples feel like you're brand new again, raw and bright red and I can feel each of your 8 teeth with every latch. I am going to admit this: I dread nursing you right now. You really are obsessed, which makes sense given your health. You need all the comfort you can get and you have to get those calories somewhere. So nurse on, little one, but be gentle please!
You're also being a little temperamental lately, tossing your head back with a shout whenever something doesn't go your way. You don't want daddy, you want me. No wait, you want daddy but you want to still be nursing from me. Don't wipe your nose with a tissue! You much prefer to snot all over my breasts while nursing. And no, you don't want a green bean or potatoes or chicken. Those are clearly for the dogs, if I'm judging by how fast they hit the floor after I set them in front of you. This phase is already old. I could've eaten those as leftovers!
It has been rough. But as my title says, A Smooth Sea Never Made A Skilled Sailor and I hope that come time for #2, I'll be prepared to handle these stages. And it's not all bad, either. You're currently snuggled up against my arm on the couch, not actually latched (!) and earlier today you head-booped me and gave me kisses with no provocation. There are lots of things you do that make the rough patches worth it. I adore your little floppy handed dance, your mischievous grin when I catch you in the act of splashing in the dogs' water bowl or stealing the remote. Your wrinkled up nose tells me you know you're being naughty but you've decided to proceed anyway. It's not like I can really be mad at you, (except when you throw perfectly good and quite delicious food on the floor, I mean, come onnn).
Your hair is growing in so thick now, despite your constant tugging on it. Its like you think I've sneaked a hat on you sometimes.
You're getting so big now. 22 lbs? Almost? And who even knows how tall. Too tall is the answer. I can no longer easily switch sides when nursing at night. I am picking up a toddler. Not that you've realized how big you are, since you still decide to turn sideways on the bed every night. I might wake up with you nursing but poor Daddy has your feet in his face, or worse, on his solar plexus!
Sometimes you let me put shoes on you and stand you up. You're still not brave enough or maybe strong enough to do it yourself or stay standing very long, but occasionally you let me hold your hand and you half-walk around. That's always pretty rewarding to me.
You're learning a lot from H. She is pretty verbal and you have learned to say "Daddy" in a pretty clear voice, you definitely say "Mom", "Mummum" and "Mama" clearly as well. H loves you like the little sister she's hoping to have soon. :)
You're waking up now, so I guess this is goodbye. Until next time, my love,
Mommy