First Christmas

There's something special about being a mom on Christmas. Last year I put Evie on the naughty list for being 5 days late:

This year, I got to watch her gleefully tear at the wrapping paper and excitedly hold up her gifts. Even clothes got the Evie smile of approval.

I didn't know quite what to expect for our first Christmas as a family of three. I knew that Evie would get overtired (so very overtired) and she'd probably be overwhelmed by the people and stuff surrounding her as well as the bunches of places we'd go (having come from a divorced family, we have to go to different houses for Christmas). She handled it all really well, though.
Christmas Eve we went to my grandma and grandpa's house to do our traditional Mom's Family Christmas. Evie got to open her first gifts from us and my family. She proudly held up every item she unwrapped and gave us big smiles of appreciation. I couldn't believe how excited she was about clothes. We ate dinner and instead of going to midnight mass, we just headed back to our house to snuggle in and play with a few of her new toys before passing out. It was a long, hot day, but we had a lot of fun. Evie did end up being pretty cranky by the time we got home and slept really well all night.

SELFIE!!!

Christmas morning we slept in. Normally we would do breakfast at my dad's house but this year he invited us to Christmas dinner. We spent the morning in bed talking to Gavin's parents and being lazy. When we finally got up, we gave Evie her last gift from us and then we got ready to go to my dad's house because there wasn't much to do at home.
At my dad's we saw a slow trickle of family members come in as we opened our gifts. Evelyn got a lot of really neat toys and spent most of the day playing with her new dollhouse. My dad made her a little table, too, which she ate Christmas dinner on with me and Gavin.
My sister got a photographer's setup, complete with the umbrella light diffusers and a backdrop, so we tried to get some photos in. I have to admit, I was not feeling taking a bunch of pictures this holiday, so this was a good call on our part so we'd have something to look back on!

So beautiful :)

I DONT WANT TO DO A FAMILY PORTRAIT

Some did not turn out so well. Forgive me, Evie, you were not being tortured, despite what it looks like in the photo above. 

After dinner we hung out a little while longer, but Evie hadn't taken a nap all day and was desperately needing one so we headed home. She passed out in the car and slept through the transfer to the bed.

Gavin and I took the opportunity to clean house, take down the tree, decorations and lights and put away all her new toys. Call me a grinch, but I did the same thing last year while waiting for Evie to arrive and it made me feel so much better not to have to take it down after she finally did come out. Now our house is tidy and ready for her first birthday in SIX DAYS!!!

RSV can suck a butt

RSV coupled with a double ear infection. Just dropped $70 on medicines (probiotics) and healing balms and magic powder combinations to try to heal up the horrible diaper rash. Parenthood can be so hard sometimes. Every pained whimper makes me feel like crying.

Abolish Sanctimommy!

Happy 11 months Evie! :) Mommy loves you!

As we enter Evie's 11th month Earthside, I would like to talk about that pesky thing we all love to call Sanctimommy. That "I can raise my child better than you can raise yours" attitude. It's despicable, really, but we're all guilty of it.
Did you know that before I became a mom I was an expert on how to raise everyone else's children? It's true, I knew everything. I knew if I were put in charge of Betty's bedtime, she'd be asleep by 7pm every night. None of this waking every 2 hours crap. Can you believe it? Yeah, me neither.
And here's the thing: when Evie came home and was an excellent sleeper from the start, that sort of cemented my confidence that I was just really really good at parenting. What a load of crap, huh?
The truth is, Evie is just a really good sleeper. She's a pretty good kid, too. Not too many tantrums (yet) and she is very laid back. It took me a long time to get a reality check. And it wasn't even like an all-at-once thing, either. But now that I've "woken up" I can see just how useless and actually detrimental it is to think that only your way is correct.
Whenever you try to convince a mother that her choices are wrong, you're undermining her confidence in mothering. That is extremely harmful and can be a huge contributing factor to postpartum depression as well as anxiety. You're telling her that she's not good enough.
I know that in general, women aren't going up to other women in grocery stores and telling them how to get their child up out of the temper tantrum on the floor. I can see it happening occasionally, but I think one of the few benefits of being an isolated society (we'd rather look at our phones than at each other) is that we tend to stay out of others' business when it doesn't concern us. But put those same moms in a facebook group and all hell breaks loose. Other places we face this criticism are from friends and family members. Your own parents might be talking down to you at this moment, telling you they did not raise you to coddle your infant and pick him up at every whimper. To that I say: If they truly believe they were capable parents, then they should trust the product of their parenting to make responsible decisions, even if they do not match the choices they themselves (would) have made. It's as simple as that. Your mom may not believe in extended breastfeeding, but she taught you to take care of your child, to meet their every need and to be there for them. Your interpretation of that may be different than hers and that's okay.
As for me, I am making conscious decisions about what I say and how I say it. I don't always agree with every choice I see moms of older kids making, but I know that until I'm faced with their particular situation, I have no actual clue as to how I will respond. My views often change, as evidenced by my previous posts. And for babies Evie's age and younger, well, the same is true. And just because I have faced certain situations and handled them differently doesn't mean my way would have worked for other parents.
So think twice when you decide to voice your opinion to a mom who may not have even asked for it. And when they do, be gentle, graceful and understanding. Try to put yourself in their shoes, but know that even in doing so, you cannot begin to understand who they are.
Love to all,
Sarah

A Smooth Sea Never Made A Skilled Sailor

I haven't posted in a couple months because let's face it, the days are getting really busy. Aside from wrangling this crawling little wiggle worm I call Evelyn, I have started nannying for an 18 month old little girl who is just the sweetest thing ever. Despite that, it's still a handful to manage the both of them and I often come home exhausted and touched out.
So here's a little recap of month 9 and a little bit about the beginning of month 10:
We took in as much sunshine as we could while it was out, making sure to visit many parks and trails.

 Evie went down her first slide (and loved it). I took Evelyn to Marbles kids museum for the first time, too, and it was surprisingly accommodating for a non-walker. Some other places we went were:
-the power plant's family day
-church, so my grandparents could finally introduce Evie to their friends
-an endless string of family and friends houses.
We finally got into a real swing of hanging out with my new mom friends and their babies. Nothing feels better than finding your people!
 Evelyn really got the hang of crawling in September. She started pulling up on all the things, reaching for anything close enough to grab. She started pulling everything down and throwing whatever she couldn't knock down.
Evelyn's palette for food was pretty expansive. We were amazed at her ability to pick up food and put it in her mouth, chew it and swallow, all without gagging. Well, there was a little gagging. Luckily I've watched the youtube videos on how to deal with a choking child and I know the difference between choking and gagging. ;)
The biting during nursing became a pretty regular thing, but also random bites elsewhere. The chin? Cheek? Knee? I learned to expect the unexpected. That meant some serious child-proofing had to happen. We tucked away cords, blocked off shelves, picked up dog bowls and got serious about the vacuuming every day (for awhile, anyway. I'm not perfect!). Evie still manages to find the stray hang tag from a new outfit on a freshly vacuumed floor.
I have newfound love for her wardrobe.

She has now outgrown all of the hand-me-downs and all of her clothes are handpicked by me from Target's clearance section or from the website when I was bored and should have been watching TV. :P I have documented many a cute outfit with photos and I am definitely guilty of purchasing the same outfit a size up so I can continue to enjoy it as long as possible.
I left Evie with my mom for a few hours to go enjoy a show with my friend. It was still not quite as freeing as I expected it to be, because I still thought about Evie the whole time, but I did have fun. I even drank some wine.
In late September, Evie began climbing furniture. She would climb onto the ottoman, up the couch and stand on the pillows to reach the bar. There's not really child-proofing that, I've found.
I really didn't cherish my SAHM days as much as I should have, because in October a job fell into my lap. As mentioned earlier, my charge is an 18 month old girl. Her uncle used to watch her but wanted to 'retire' so her mom posted an ISO Nanny job listing on facebook. I jumped on it because I had missed the opportunity to work at a baby boutique (and bring Evelyn with me). Turns out this job was actually about a thousand times better. Good pay, flexible time off, I get to take Evie with me and if we go out, H can come too! I even get vacation, which just happens to fall around Evie's birthday. :D The only downside I see, really, is dividing my attention from Evie. Of course she doesn't seem to mind, she is very independent and can amuse herself (to a degree). Still, I wish I could somehow have the best of both worlds. I miss the lazy mornings at home and my house has certainly taken a turn for the messy since I started work. I don't see how this could be, though, since I'm not really the one that does the cleaning around here.
So October was more visiting with family. Evelyn met my cousin Paul, who of course instantly fell in love with her (and who can blame him?) and she visited with my grandparents a LOT. She might be my grandma's favorite person in the world.

My mom made Evie's Halloween costume; she was a mouse with big floppy ears and a cute tail. Evelyn hated the ears/hat and pulled it off every chance she got. I still managed to catch some cute pictures though. We did a lot of little crafts to make keepsakes for her memory book.

I have fallen further behind on that than I have on this. We did the usual festivities for the season: hay rides, corn mazes (my first ever!) and we took some photos outside in the gorgeous 3 day Autumn we experienced.
That basically sums up months 8 and 9. Here's month 10, which I will address to my sweetheart herself:

Evelyn,
My sweet angel, you drive me batty. November has only just begun and you've already run me ragged. Your first ER visit was on Sunday, for your breathing troubles. It was just a virus and you're feeling much better now, but you gave me quite a fright. I don't like being uncertain about your health and it made it worse to hear so much conflicting information from the doctors. (ER says steamy showers don't help the airways, Ped says they do. -_-) We got in and out fairly quickly, though, which made the snuggles til morning all the more pleasant. Your pitiful cough still broke my heart.
Because of your sickness, I imagine, your throat is hurting. That might be why you've abandoned all solid food for nursing 24/7. My nipples feel like you're brand new again, raw and bright red and I can feel each of your 8 teeth with every latch. I am going to admit this: I dread nursing you right now. You really are obsessed, which makes sense given your health. You need all the comfort you can get and you have to get those calories somewhere. So nurse on, little one, but be gentle please!
You're also being a little temperamental lately, tossing your head back with a shout whenever something doesn't go your way. You don't want daddy, you want me. No wait, you want daddy but you want to still be nursing from me. Don't wipe your nose with a tissue! You much prefer to snot all over my breasts while nursing. And no, you don't want a green bean or potatoes or chicken. Those are clearly for the dogs, if I'm judging by how fast they hit the floor after I set them in front of you. This phase is already old. I could've eaten those as leftovers!
It has been rough. But as my title says, A Smooth Sea Never Made A Skilled Sailor and I hope that come time for #2, I'll be prepared to handle these stages. And it's not all bad, either. You're currently snuggled up against my arm on the couch, not actually latched (!) and earlier today you head-booped me and gave me kisses with no provocation. There are lots of things you do that make the rough patches worth it. I adore your little floppy handed dance, your mischievous grin when I catch you in the act of splashing in the dogs' water bowl or stealing the remote. Your wrinkled up nose tells me you know you're being naughty but you've decided to proceed anyway. It's not like I can really be mad at you, (except when you throw perfectly good and quite delicious food on the floor, I mean, come onnn).
Your hair is growing in so thick now, despite your constant tugging on it. Its like you think I've sneaked a hat on you sometimes.
You're getting so big now. 22 lbs? Almost? And who even knows how tall. Too tall is the answer. I can no longer easily switch sides when nursing at night. I am picking up a toddler. Not that you've realized how big you are, since you still decide to turn sideways on the bed every night. I might wake up with you nursing but poor Daddy has your feet in his face, or worse, on his solar plexus!
Sometimes you let me put shoes on you and stand you up. You're still not brave enough or maybe strong enough to do it yourself or stay standing very long, but occasionally you let me hold your hand and you half-walk around. That's always pretty rewarding to me.
You're learning a lot from H. She is pretty verbal and you have learned to say "Daddy" in a pretty clear voice, you definitely say "Mom", "Mummum" and "Mama" clearly as well. H loves you like the little sister she's hoping to have soon. :)
You're waking up now, so I guess this is goodbye. Until next time, my love,
Mommy

8 Months Eve

My sweet Babygirl,

You are asleep on my lap, head draped over my forearm, forcing me to type this at an extremely awkward angle. I would rather lose circulation in my hand than put you down. 

Today you took extra-long to take a nap. Was it because we got to sleep in some today? Maybe you still can't adjust to lunch out on Sundays. You closed your eyes in the car on the way to the Asian Market, so I know you were tired. You rubbed your eyes in the hammock and rolled around the living room floor grumbling to yourself. You always grumble when you're sleepy. 

I tried nursing you, as I always do, but you bit me and clawed at my breasts. You were hungry, but you're cutting your top front teeth and it feels good to clamp down. The clawing is because you find it amusing to see me wince. Thinking it was too hot since we have turned off the A/C for the season, I stripped you down to just your diaper. It helped, but I think turning off the light made more of a difference. 

Daddy brought the fan in and I moved to the Poang chair with you. I laid you across my lap with the now-rarely-used boppy pillow and tried once more to get a good latch. You had begun to whimper at me by then, so I knew it was imperative that I get you comfortable before it turned into a full-on meltdown. I've gotten pretty good at reading you.

Just now you lifted your head and let out a mournful wail. You're asleep, though, so even though it breaks my heart, I let you be. You snuggled right back up to my chest and it was as if you never stirred at all.

I feel like time is flitting through my fingers. I guess every mom feels that way, but you are growing so big and so fast. I can't seem to come to terms with it. You're pulling up on everything now with such ease that you'd think there was never a time you could not. You're beginning to show some backbone, challenging me when I stop you from grabbing a cord or eating my shoes. You are strong-willed, but sweet. Your forehead boops make my days. I dont stand a chance against your mischievous grin after you bite me. And I could stare at you for hours on end while you sleep without once getting bored. 

Dinner is ready and I'm going to have to attempt some stealthy maneuvers in order to eat and not wake you up. At least if I do wake you up, I'll get to see your pretty smile.

Love,

Mama

Some time to write

It's getting more and more difficult to find the time to sit and write out a post. Evelyn is on the move these days, crawling up on all fours and making good time of it as well. She is getting into everything and chasing the cat all over the house.
I look back with misty eyes on those early days when she would nap on the bed all swaddled up in a blanket. Earlier this week Evie took her first tumble off the bed while I washed dishes. She'd kept me trapped for two hours while she napped and finally I managed to slip out from under her. Ten minutes into the third hour she must have awoken and instead of crying for me to rescue her from the pillow wall, she attempted to scale it. She landed solidly on her back, so no harm was done and not even a bump to the ol' noggin. But her pride was bruised, so of course Mommy Snuggles were necessary. I've learned I can no longer leave her asleep on the bed.
Some other changes we've noticed are:

• She will no longer go to everyone. Particularly my father and stepfather. They both get the stinky eye and the big cry if they pick her up. She still loves her Mummum (my grandmother) though.
• She's not as big a fan of the car anymore. We recently discovered her car seat was not in the correct location (oops, use this as a reminder to READ YOUR MANUALS!). After moving it to one side of the car, she no longer has the direct line of sight to us through the mirror. It makes for some rough nights if we stay out too late. 
• She's sensitive to some sounds. None of the usual ones (fireworks, thunder, etc) but things like a drill or the dog whimpering make her cry. Sorry Boo.
• She is not my super-all-the-time-happy baby! She's taken to whining whenever I am trying to do anything that doesn't involve her. Talking to my friends, eating soup, typing blog posts all fall into this category.

So life is definitely becoming a bit more challenging. Gavin's mom is in the hospital right now for unknown reasons, so we're going to go down to Charlotte to help take care of things while she's laid up. I'm hoping the change in scenery wont throw us off too much. 

And since I can't remember if I mentioned it last post, Evie has 2 lateral incisors in addition to her two bottom front teeth. She looks like a goofy little vampire and I love it. :) 

Here are some photos to catch up:

Daddy and Evie at the park

Turns out she loves splashing her feet in water

Pond? YES PLEASE

Grandma and Grandpa

At the airport on the kiddie runway with Daddy

Mommy and Evie on the Observation Deck

Evie's pal at the kiddie runway

Evie loves trees

7 months!

I know I just posted about my PPD/A, but I figured I would balance out the serious with a happy post.
Evelyn has been making great strides lately, including learning to crawl, pulling up/climbing and standing while holding onto things. It is insane how much she has accomplished in the last couple of weeks.

She enjoyed the playground even though she's still too little to really ride the slide.

We've been trying to live cheaply because that will help me stay home with her longer, so our adventures have been to museums and parks lately. Whenever we visit a museum, aquarium or what have you, we keep an eye out for cool patches for the Ergo. She has quite a few so far and we're running out of room to sew them on, so pretty soon we might have to find her something else to put them on. 

This past week or so, Evie has entered into leap 6, which basically means she's become a velcro baby. She can't be out of eyesight at all and most of the time has to be within reach or actually attached to me. Babywearing makes my life so much easier, but this is still tough.

We've been reading Evie books every night before bed. She gets a few board books or a couple big stories and the last few nights we've been reading her a book on animals in the Pacific Northwest. She doesn't yet pay much attention to them, mostly she tries to eat them, but even so it is a fun settling activity. 

Evie now has 3 teeth. Oddly enough her 3rd tooth is one of the top lateral incisors (tooth beside the front two). She uses it to bite hard on my nipples, fingers, dad's hands and baby carrots. She thinks its hilarious when I cry out in pain. 

Her "show off" skills include:

• shaking her head "no" almost on command
• clapping
• crawling
• bouncing on her butt to her hands and knees
• high fives

She's not quite grasped the concept of giving kisses, but daddy taught her to bop heads as a greeting, so maybe that counts for something. 

We've been going back and forth with table food, letting her try some of what we eat (Baby Led Weaning) and then also offering her some purees. She is only mildly interested in those. Mostly she would prefer BLW, but I am a nervous Nelly and I am just not organized enough to nurse between cooking and eating without our food getting cold. That sounds like an excuse and probably is. I'm not quite ready to not be Evie's sole source of nutrition! My body makes the perfect food and what if I don't do so great at making table food meals for her!? I'm a mess, I know. 

Evie's favorite pastime is chasing the cat around the room. And by chasing I mean the cat sprawls a few feet ahead of her, she crawls to the kitty and just as she's reaching out to grab a tail or a paw or a bunch of fur, kitty moves another couple feet ahead. It's quite entertaining and I'm very impressed at the cat's calmness around Evie. It should go without saying that they are always supervised. 

Evie's favorite toys right now are a FP remote that sings a creepy song, her rainbow donut stacker, a fox clip-on rattle, the manta ray her Aunt Aurora bought from the VA Aquarium and (as always) her Pink Bunny. 

On Tuesday Evie will see her physical therapist for hopefully one of the last times. I can't wait to hear what they have to say about how far she's come! :)
Here are some more photos to keep you in the loop. Thanks for reading!

Arm Day at the playground :)

Celebrating 7 months of awesomeness

Being a pirate at the History Museum

Sometimes the used bookstore has boxes of rad toys!

Okay I guess sometimes she pays atention

Big whisk takers.

Happy Breastfeeding Awareness Week!!

When Things Become Too Much

About two weeks ago, I finally got the courage up to see a doctor about my post pardum anxiety and depression. My doctor put me on Zoloft and set me up with a therapist to talk to. I see my therapist on Tuesday, but in the last two weeks on Zoloft I have seen a huge improvement in my outlook on life.
I'm about to get real personal here, so brace yourselves.
In the beginning, when Evie was tiny and fresh, I had this strength that I didn't know was there. I used it all up to get through her NICU stay. When she came home, I rode this wave of relief and excitement powered by adrenaline. I hit cruising speed at about 4 months. In those first 4 months, the pediatrician always had a pre-visit survey to gauge how new moms were doing themselves. I always felt I could answer "just as happy or happier" and "not sad at all". After the 4 month visit, those questionnaires went away. And that's exactly when I began to feel this cloud looming over me.
At first it was just some panic here and there. We bedshare and I would wake up and feel the need to check Evie's breathing. I would sleep with my hand on her chest if she wasn't nursing. Then I started having bad dreams. Pretty soon I didn't want to sleep at all. I would stay up on my phone, distracting myself from sleep because it always meant waking up with my heart pounding and sometimes full-on crying.
The daytime wasn't so bad. I would have moments of panic, but mostly I could distract myself. But even daytime ended up falling victim to my depression. I lost the desire to leave the house at all. I didn't want to stay home either though, because the dishes needed to be done and the laundry was piling up. I couldn't get out of bed til mid afternoon some days. At the worst, I would have only just woken up when Gavin would come home from work.
I confided my affliction to a few people. My mom, Gavin, a couple friends. They told me to seek help, but it's much easier said than done. You see, on top of my depression and anxiety was this fear. Probably from watching too many episodes of Forensic Files. I thought if anyone found out I was suffering, they'd immediately assume I was going to hurt my precious little girl. And I could never dream of such a thing. I thought about mentioning my predicament to the pediatrician at her 6 month appointment but I chickened out. I thought they'd take Evie away. I was scared to tell anyone the deepest, darkest details and I couldn't find that courage to make the phone call.
Luckily, I have one friend in particular who is a real motivator. She helped me figure out who to call and promised me that no one would try to take Evie away over me feeling overwhelmed. She promised me I was a good mom and that it is 100% normal for this to happen. And she was right! One in ten new moms experiences PPD/Anxiety. That might not sound like much, but it is. And doctors are more than willing to help you if you call on them.
In the last two weeks I have watched myself go from the shell of who I used to be to a better me. I know that sounds cheesy. I am not where I want to be just yet, but with a little dosage tinkering and some therapy, I think I can be.
It sure as hell feels great just to be able to sleep again.

Nights Like Tonight

Evie spent most of the day avoiding taking a nap. She slept in much later than normal today so I got time to take a shower while she snoozed away. When she woke up she was in a great mood, ready for the day to start. She happily let me dress her and tuck her into the car seat so we could go to the bank and grocery shopping.
At the grocery store, she greeted all of the employees with shy smiles and giggles. She wooed the florist, the deli clerk and the Starbucks barista. We met up with Daddy, who carried her around the store while we shopped.
At home, she wanted to move move move! She wouldn't tolerate being held even for a moment and refused to go down for a nap for most of the afternoon. She was all over the living room, attempting to pull up on the coffee table and rolling way too close to the vents where I was certain she'd hit her head. By the time she finally settled, her nap was a short one. She woke up within 20 minutes.
We had company, my best friend Molly, in the evening. Evie spread her joy to Molly and snuggled up with her in bed for a real nap.

They didn't know I took this til later.

After they woke up, they hung out and enjoyed each other's company until Molly had to leave. 

For the rest of the night Evelyn has been in this wonderful and giggly mood. Everything is fun. We are snuggling, rolling on the floor and exchanging tickles. She decided to pick a record from the shelf (and it matched her shirt, funnily enough). 

Told you!

Nights like tonight make me so happy. I have all I need in life!

Breastfeeding (and a mini-update)

Evie has started to become mobile, through rolling over and scooting, so I'm finding less time to sit and relax and more time finding ways to entertain her so she will just sit and relax. She began sitting up about 3 weeks ago and has mastered the art of it. As of today, she appears to be entering the fussy phase of teething. We haven't found any tooth buds yet, but her gums have hard spots underneath so I'm assuming that those are her teeth getting ready to explode out and become little razor blades on my just-toughed-up-enough-to-breastfeed nipples.

Speaking of breastfeeding....I realize this is a topic that I have woefully left out of much of my writing. Of course this is all about Evie, but where do you think Evie gets her nourishment!? So let me talk a little about breastfeeding.

In the beginning, it was very painful. Since, as you know, she was in the NICU, I had to pump from the start. I didn't really get a good explanation so my chance of succeeding at breastfeeding went way down. Luckily I was pretty damn determined to breastfeed successfully. I used a nipple shield for a few weeks after we got her home from the hospital and eventually weaned her off of it to go bare nipple. That caused a bit of pain for awhile and really, just now my nipples have toughened up for the most part. I've endured middle of the night "misses" hickeys, chomps from gums and the terrible tearing at my nipples that she has decided is a thing now. 

(With her fingers, see?)

I had an oversupply in the beginning due to pumping and then nursing and pumping when we got her home. I kept up the every-3-hours schedule for longer than I needed to, eventually cutting out the middle of the night pumping sessions out of pure exhaustion. Evie didn't mind, she was sleeping through the night regardless!

I cut back to 4 sessions during the day for awhile and stored up a TON of milk. When I found an opportunity to donate it to help another mama in need, I did it. At that point I dropped down to pumping a couple times a day to build my personal stash back up, but then the mama asked me to be a regular donor. After I had my stash, I donated to her. I had to stop when I got mastitis and started birth control because my supply took a hit, but I started again when it recovered. 

Just a couple weeks ago I met another mama who needed milk and my heart was tugged enough to add in a third pumping session to make enough for her too. All the while feeding Evie on demand! These breasts are going through the ringer.

If there's anything I want to share about breastfeeding, it's this:

1. Moving milk makes milk. If you're worried about your supply, first make sure there's anything to worry about, but if it's confirmed, just pump/feed/pump/feed as much as you can. Your breasts are a factory, not a warehouse. Demand milk and milk will come. Leave it there and it will go away.

2. Pumping doesn't indicate supply. I used to pump 11-14oz in a single session. I donated a LOT of milk then. Now I get anywhere from 3-8 ounces depending on the time of day and when Evie last ate. I have had days where I got barely an ounce from both sides combined. Output depends on a lot of factors, including hydration, if you've been eating enough calories, stress, as well as medicines you may be taking. 

3. Believe you can do it and you can. Seriously. I know so many moms that quit because it was too hard or too much of a hassle. It really isn't. Finding hot water in the middle of the zoo is hard. Popping a boob in a mouth in the food court is the easiest thing ever. Don't give up on a bad day. Get help and find a friend who can help you succeed. Refuse to give up!

nom nom nom

Okay, now I have to cover the formula moms too. As much as I am PRO breastfeeding, the important part is that baby is getting nourishment. Formula gets the job done too, so there's no shame in feeding formula. There are many reasons to do so and not all of them are medical, and that's okay. Love you all the same. :)

Bonus pic of Evie because I am a show-off. :)

Photos part 2

Photos!

Blocks!

Technically shes 4.75 months.

She's a big fan of the blocks. 

SHE'S SITTING UP BY HERSELF!!! :) [5.19.15]

We got some portraits done.

That face!

All the faces, really.

Four generations of ladies.

I love this one. 

:D

Baby in a crate!

<3