Special Moments

Evelyn,

I share a lot of our lives on social media. Sometimes it's for inspiring others or just documentation, an online scrapbook of sorts. But there are some memories that I feel more protective of, that I prefer to keep close to the vest. Tonight was one of those. And while I know this is in fact MORE public than my social media, I feel comfortable sharing since no one else will likely ever read this but you. 

Tonight you laid in bed for a couple hours, fighting sleep with all your might. Finally you crept out of your room and into mine, sneaking into my bed and asking if tonight could be the night I let, no, make you stay up all night. I laughed. This goal of yours to stay up all night long is sweet. You just want to know what we do once you're asleep but there's really nothing exciting happening. I scroll on my phone, watching funny videos and Dad plays games. Sometimes we play cards or a board game or we lay in bed and talk or read, but it's nothing thrilling for a 6 year old.

You wanted to stay up. I admit I'm not the one who came up with the concept of bedtime for you. I don't care much for bedtime myself so naturally I don't take much pleasure in putting you to bed. But Dad prefers you to have a predictable schedule so I go along with it. 

But Dad was not in our room tonight.

So I let you snuggle up and we laid there talking, me gazing at this marvelous creature I brought forth from my womb just a little over 6 years ago. Feels like only days. 

You ask me questions, wanting to see if you can bring forth a long, drawn-out answer that might tease a few more minutes of wakefulness out of me. You think I'm not onto your schemes. Your forced chuckles to distract me from remembering that it is almost 4 hours past your bedtime. But I'm happy to have your company. It's not often that we have quality alone time. I'm drawn into my phone a lot and you have Mabel on your tail. I am living for these quiet moments where we can just be.

Your mind is really endless. The things you think of astound me sometimes. Your perceptions of your small world, and the larger world too. I wonder how much of this time you'll remember as you get older. 

You held out as long as possible, until Dad came in to chase you back to bed. But then he didn't even run you off. I think he realized the importance of this time for all of us. You squished between us and we talked about how you used to sleep across us, like an H, with your head on Dad's chest and feet on my tummy. This made you giggle. You still have your infectious laugh after 6 years. I hope you always keep it.

When we finally put you to bed, you had us do your old nighttime routine of hugs, kisses, butterfly kisses, ugga muggas, hand squeezes and kisses. Even when five minutes prior you were stunning me with your philosophizing, this little act reminds me that you are still just a child and all of your thoughts swirling around in that beautiful head are just beginning to learn how to organize. One day you're going to change the world.

Thank you for tonight and for every moment I get to be your mom. ♥️

January 2021

 Sweet Evelyn,

I know I recently updated, but I feel compelled to write tonight.

I felt a little unsettled tonight and decided to get my things organized for the next week of homeschooling. In doing so I began to think about how we have been doing this homeschool kindergarten for 19 weeks. Nineteen weeks we have sat around a table, on the floor, ran around outside trying to convey the information needed to place you in first grade this fall. My head spins just thinking about it. We are over halfway through the school year now. 

I went through my emails from your pre-K teacher, the ones from the beginning of this pandemic standing out to me. She had sent resources, learning websites at first. Then the kindergarten readiness guide to help us figure out the rest of what you needed to know before they you supposed to return to school in the fall. Instead we ended up homeschooling. Thankfully, that allowed us to go at our own pace. I went back through these resources and opened the ones I think of which may still get some use. Particularly the spelling and reading-related ones. You've done a great amount of exploring outdoors this year, but we have been sticking fairly close to our meager curriculum for reading exercises. I'm not impressed with the speed at which it seems to go, however. I don't typically align with the attitude of pressuring kids to learn everything, but I also don't want you to fall behind. 

This year we decided to re-commit to the 1000 hours outside goal that we probably reached last year, but didn't keep track. This year we are marking it on a sheet as well as tracking with an app. We've got 10.2 hours on day 4. To hit our goal, we need to average about 2.75 hours per day. I imagine in the Spring, Summer and Fall we will accumulate way more than we do in Winter. As I've told my friends, I can do cold and I can do wet, but I don't do cold and wet very well. And neither do you and your sister. So far you are enjoying the outings, making friends when we can and taking notes on things you see when we aren't with friends. One day you drew a duck that you saw. Today you found a dead raccoon under a pine tree by the trail and exclaimed, "That's the first raccoon I've seen in real life!" You were sad it was dead, but amazed nonetheless. You took note of its little teeth showing beneath a curled lip and postulated about how it came to meet its fate.

This time last year I was writing about how I wished we had more time together since you had started school. I guess I got my wish! Reading through your 5 year post made me tear up with sadness at how fast a year has flown by. And at how much you have changed, I have changed, everything has changed. I really find myself wishing I could be more for you and Mabel. More present, more courageous, more loving. Not that you are lacking in any of those, but I just wish I could give more. Your mind is expanding rapidly now to where I don't feel as though I can keep up with how much you want to know. I pick up on your eyes squinting as you try to read between the lines of comments and find the true meaning. You're learning to pick up on sarcasm fairly well and questioning a lot of the folk lore you've heard over the years. I doubt we have much more time with Santa and the Tooth Fairy. 

Here are some photos of our time spent outdoors this year: