Nights Like Tonight

Evie spent most of the day avoiding taking a nap. She slept in much later than normal today so I got time to take a shower while she snoozed away. When she woke up she was in a great mood, ready for the day to start. She happily let me dress her and tuck her into the car seat so we could go to the bank and grocery shopping.
At the grocery store, she greeted all of the employees with shy smiles and giggles. She wooed the florist, the deli clerk and the Starbucks barista. We met up with Daddy, who carried her around the store while we shopped.
At home, she wanted to move move move! She wouldn't tolerate being held even for a moment and refused to go down for a nap for most of the afternoon. She was all over the living room, attempting to pull up on the coffee table and rolling way too close to the vents where I was certain she'd hit her head. By the time she finally settled, her nap was a short one. She woke up within 20 minutes.
We had company, my best friend Molly, in the evening. Evie spread her joy to Molly and snuggled up with her in bed for a real nap.

They didn't know I took this til later.

After they woke up, they hung out and enjoyed each other's company until Molly had to leave. 

For the rest of the night Evelyn has been in this wonderful and giggly mood. Everything is fun. We are snuggling, rolling on the floor and exchanging tickles. She decided to pick a record from the shelf (and it matched her shirt, funnily enough). 

Told you!

Nights like tonight make me so happy. I have all I need in life!

Breastfeeding (and a mini-update)

Evie has started to become mobile, through rolling over and scooting, so I'm finding less time to sit and relax and more time finding ways to entertain her so she will just sit and relax. She began sitting up about 3 weeks ago and has mastered the art of it. As of today, she appears to be entering the fussy phase of teething. We haven't found any tooth buds yet, but her gums have hard spots underneath so I'm assuming that those are her teeth getting ready to explode out and become little razor blades on my just-toughed-up-enough-to-breastfeed nipples.

Speaking of breastfeeding....I realize this is a topic that I have woefully left out of much of my writing. Of course this is all about Evie, but where do you think Evie gets her nourishment!? So let me talk a little about breastfeeding.

In the beginning, it was very painful. Since, as you know, she was in the NICU, I had to pump from the start. I didn't really get a good explanation so my chance of succeeding at breastfeeding went way down. Luckily I was pretty damn determined to breastfeed successfully. I used a nipple shield for a few weeks after we got her home from the hospital and eventually weaned her off of it to go bare nipple. That caused a bit of pain for awhile and really, just now my nipples have toughened up for the most part. I've endured middle of the night "misses" hickeys, chomps from gums and the terrible tearing at my nipples that she has decided is a thing now. 

(With her fingers, see?)

I had an oversupply in the beginning due to pumping and then nursing and pumping when we got her home. I kept up the every-3-hours schedule for longer than I needed to, eventually cutting out the middle of the night pumping sessions out of pure exhaustion. Evie didn't mind, she was sleeping through the night regardless!

I cut back to 4 sessions during the day for awhile and stored up a TON of milk. When I found an opportunity to donate it to help another mama in need, I did it. At that point I dropped down to pumping a couple times a day to build my personal stash back up, but then the mama asked me to be a regular donor. After I had my stash, I donated to her. I had to stop when I got mastitis and started birth control because my supply took a hit, but I started again when it recovered. 

Just a couple weeks ago I met another mama who needed milk and my heart was tugged enough to add in a third pumping session to make enough for her too. All the while feeding Evie on demand! These breasts are going through the ringer.

If there's anything I want to share about breastfeeding, it's this:

1. Moving milk makes milk. If you're worried about your supply, first make sure there's anything to worry about, but if it's confirmed, just pump/feed/pump/feed as much as you can. Your breasts are a factory, not a warehouse. Demand milk and milk will come. Leave it there and it will go away.

2. Pumping doesn't indicate supply. I used to pump 11-14oz in a single session. I donated a LOT of milk then. Now I get anywhere from 3-8 ounces depending on the time of day and when Evie last ate. I have had days where I got barely an ounce from both sides combined. Output depends on a lot of factors, including hydration, if you've been eating enough calories, stress, as well as medicines you may be taking. 

3. Believe you can do it and you can. Seriously. I know so many moms that quit because it was too hard or too much of a hassle. It really isn't. Finding hot water in the middle of the zoo is hard. Popping a boob in a mouth in the food court is the easiest thing ever. Don't give up on a bad day. Get help and find a friend who can help you succeed. Refuse to give up!

nom nom nom

Okay, now I have to cover the formula moms too. As much as I am PRO breastfeeding, the important part is that baby is getting nourishment. Formula gets the job done too, so there's no shame in feeding formula. There are many reasons to do so and not all of them are medical, and that's okay. Love you all the same. :)

Bonus pic of Evie because I am a show-off. :)

Photos part 2

Photos!

Blocks!

Technically shes 4.75 months.

She's a big fan of the blocks. 

SHE'S SITTING UP BY HERSELF!!! :) [5.19.15]

We got some portraits done.

That face!

All the faces, really.

Four generations of ladies.

I love this one. 

:D

Baby in a crate!

<3

Four Months In

I am finding it more and more difficult to secure time to write. It seems that every time I'm inspired to write something down, I'm preoccupied with eating, feeding, cleaning, changing diapers or running errands. I've sort of been keeping a list of thoughts on my phone's memo pad, but I forget to date them and then they're not as useful. And of course when I do have time to write, I develop a massive writer's block. Sigh.
This will be my fourth attempt at a post in as many weeks. There are so many drafts on my computer that I could probably just combine them all and do a quick edit, but I feel like that's cheating somehow. So here is my hurried update before bed:

As of May 1st, Evelyn is off all seizure medication. Can I get a WOOHOO!? We've been keeping an eye on her and have observed no seizure-like activity so far. It took four months, but we did it! She still sees some specialists at the Duke Clinics, but we've dropped the neurologist for now. Over the next year or so, we will be dropping the geneticist, physical therapist and the others as well.
And now to the fun bits!

• As of the last post, Evelyn had begun to hold toys. Well, she's graduated to reaching for toys, picking up toys, and passing them from hand to hand. This is both a blessing and a curse. It's amazing to watch her interact with her surroundings. She loves suck on the ears of her plush Peeps bunny, but she also has started pulling Daddy's beard, stealing his glasses and grabbing at his neck during storytime before bed. He takes it in stride, though.
• Evelyn has completely weaned herself from a pacifier. She will hold it in her hand, but put it in her mouth and she acts like you're playing a trick on her. "This isn't a boob!" :O
• She is still anti-blankets, but we've discovered that her Aden + Anais blankets are acceptable to haphazardly wrap up in. They make great shades for the carseat, too. We got ours hand-me-down from a friend and they were already broken in so nicely. 
• Evie had been babbling the last time I posted, but she is more into raspberries and squeals these days. She likes to throw a loud chuckle out at some pretty inopportune moments (*ahem* the saddest part of the movie The Fault In Our Stars *ahem*). With all her raspberries comes a lot of drool, so we've invested in a ton of bibs. An unfortunate incident with an old bib led to a scratch from the velcro on the back of her neck, so we looked for softer ones and found the Tommee Tippee ones to be acceptable. The padded ring for the neck is awesome too, because that is usually where her now-only-occasional spitup ends up collecting with some dog/cat fur and my ever-thinning hair. All that drool has not led to any teeth though.
• She's figured out how to roll over onto her tummy from her back both ways. I love watching her do this. I'm not sure if other babies do it this way, but Evie grabs her feet and then rocks over onto her side, lets go of her feet and then flattens out. Its adorable, but I'm sure every mom thinks their kid is adorable (duh). 
• Evie is still sleeping amazingly through the night, but now when she stirs to breastfeed at whatever time (we no longer wake up enough to have to check the clock), if I don't wake up fast enough for her, she smacks my breast in her sleep while grunting. Kind of cute, kind of annoying.
• Though she hasn't quite mastered the art of sitting up on her own, she is a big fan of assisted standing. Per the PT's orders, this isn't something I can let her do often yet, so I try not to do it, but she sometimes just straightens her legs crazily and I can't get her to sit until she gets to stand and beam for a moment. I have to admit, that smile does light up my whole world. She looks like a superhero who just saved the city. 
• Daddy's contribution to the list is his favorite development: when Evelyn is in her swing or sitting on the couch against some pillows and he goes to pick her up, she kicks her legs and flails her arms and leans forward. She knows he's there for her. 

For the record: at 4 months, Evie weighed in at 17.5 lbs, 26 inches long, putting her roughly in the 97th percentiles for weight and height. The doctors are amazed that she is fully breastfed because apparently breastfed babies tend to be on the lower end of the charts. I must make whole milk. ;)

It's bedtime, but hopefully I will find some time in the near future to add more. Goodnight readers!

Catch-up & Flashback

Before I begin the meat of this post, I thought I'd catch us up on some things. First, I developed my first bout of mastitis on March 30th. I had gone hiking with Gavin, my brother Jake and his girlfriend Meli at Duke Gardens. Evie didn't want to nurse much the whole time we were there so when I finally got home to nurse her, it was probably too late. I pumped 13 ounces after she had eaten, took a hot shower and went to bed. I developed shivers as soon as I laid down and woke up with a terrible fever in the night. The next morning my breasts were bright red so I called the doc. I'm still on the antibiotic, which is 4x a day for two weeks (whew!).


Some new developments for Evie:

• You're having grumpier days. Now that you're off one medicine, theres less to sedate you so more awake time means more time to be fussy. 
• You've started holding things. My hand when you nurse, your paci when it falls out, toys that are around you. You pull your blanket to your face and suck on your burp cloths. 
• You have a give or take attitude when it comes to your pacifier. This is good, because your brother dog has decided they are delicious. 
• You're not a fan of blankets/sheets/anything on your legs. You tolerate pants for awhile each day, but inevitably you end up in bed naked except for a diaper. I don't mind, I love looking at your little dinner rolls. 
• You're a Chatty Cathy and a Nosey Nelly. You'll talk to anyone who'll give you the time of day and in the car today on the way home from the mall with your friend Salem, you had to be leaning wayyy over to see what was going on in her car seat. 
• You've begun to drool a lot more and suck in your bottom lip (a la Cabbage Patch Kids) and we're pretty sure that means you're going to cut teeth soon. (Save the nipples!)

And now for the real reason for this post.

Last week I got a call from a nurse in the NICU. She said there was milk left over from Evie's stay and that I could come get it on Monday. Since Gavin had to work overnight Sunday into Monday, Evie and I spent the night with my mom and on Monday afternoon we headed to Duke Hospital.

My mom pulled into the loop and I looked up at the building, experiencing the first of many unexpected emotions. Was it dread? I'm not sure. The feeling stuck with me as I walked through the lobby, eyeing all the patients and family members I passed. At the elevators I had almost forgotten which button to press, but it came back to me. The nurse at the NICU desk was the same nurse I'd spoken to dozens of times but she didn't recognize me. I could still hear the echo though, "Nurse for Baby Johnson? Mom is here. Okay, Sweetheart, go on back."

I heard her go through the same routine with a couple other parents while waiting for the Charge Nurse. I saw parents who looked like I'd looked, weathered and weary and tired yet still strong. A couple wearing matching Superman T-shirts reminded me that Evie is one of the lucky ones. I think when you get to the point of wearing matching T-shirts, your baby has probably been there awhile and is probably going to continue to be there awhile longer. 

Finally the nurse rolled a cart out with three bins of my milk. She picked each bottle up to verify it was mine before handing it to me. It through me back to the desperate every-3-hours pumping sessions in the beginning. Trying to eat, get Gavin to work and take care of our animals 40 minutes away from Evie while still pumping seemed next to impossible at the time. Each drop was liquid gold and I cried over spilled milk over a dozen times. Most of the bottles being returned to me were colostrum. I have pictures on my phone of me, proud mama face on, holding up the 1 ounce I managed to pump while still in recovery. I can get 8 ounces per breast on a good day, now. I packed up each precious bottle in my cooler bags, thanked the nurse and walked back down the halls. I passed the scrapbook of NICU babies for the last time and recalled absent-mindedly flipping through it, wondering if Evie would one day have a page. (I'm happy to say that it's looking more probable every day!)

Walking out of the hospital I knew this wouldn't be my last visit. Evie still has appointments and her pharmacy is in the building, but I still felt this gush of relief leaving. By the time I got back to my mom and Evie at the car I had tears in my eyes. It was such a cathartic thing to be able to say goodbye to the NICU for the last time. And now my freezer is overflowing with the "good stuff". :)

Memory Book

I have spend the first 10 weeks of your life occasionally worrying that you wont have a memory book like I did growing up. I never found the perfect "Baby's 1sts" book that I was looking for so I finally bought a baby-themed smashbook to use. It sat on the bookshelf for a few weeks gathering dust because I was spending all of my time with you! No time to cut & paste and collect and recall stuff. Granted, I made time for this blog, but its less intensive I think, than gathering all of the craft supplies and figuring out placements for pictures.
Well, I finally found the time yesterday while Daddy held you. I don't have too many pictures printed out since I almost never get out to the store to do it, but I put all that I had in the book. I also found the crib card and our hospital bracelets as well as the original BFP test! It was so much fun to do that I've motivated myself to go back out and get some more pictures printed for it. So look forward to a massive post where I share my creative works of art!
And in the meantime, here are some more happy things about you:

• You are an evening person. Currently it is 1:45pm and you're still asleep. You had a brief awakening to cry for Daddy this morning while I was at an appointment, but you quickly gulped a bottle and passed back out. 
• You absolutely LOVE the song Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes. I think its because you get to move so much. Your favorite part is "knees to toes" because you fly forward. You get a great big smile on your face and so of course we do it like 5 more times.
• A lot of people have asked if I cut your hair. Why? you may ask. Well, your bangs grow straight across like I took a pair of scissors and just trimmed them up. It's such a perfect line, most people don't believe me when I say I haven't touched them.
• This week you are starting to look less like a squishy baby and more like a little person. It is bittersweet for me because I don't want you to grow up so fast, but I can't wait for what you have in store for me next. 

All my love, 

Mommy