The first ten weeks

I almost forgot about this blog! I guess I have a lot of catching up to do then.

Where to start??
Well, let's start at the first positive test.
Gavin and I were coming home from dinner one night and I asked if we could stop by the store. I had been having these feelings that are difficult to describe. A kind of KNOWLEDGE that I've had before. We picked up a 2-pack of pregnancy tests and I decided to take the first one as soon as I got home (even though you're supposed to wait and use morning urine). Well, it turned pink pretty fast. Even though the last few times I'd taken a test I'd been sending it tiny posi-vibes in my head, I never actually expected it to work.
When I saw the pink line I actually felt myself begin to freak out. In a good way? Bad way? I'm still not sure. I took the test out to Gavin and said, "uh, well, we're pregnant." I recall trying to remove any emotion from my voice because I wanted a natural reaction from him, not something biased by my inflection.
"Yeah?" Gavin responded, pretty much as emotionless as me.
Doesn't sound like the storybook reveal, right?
I forgive us for that. We were in shock. And everything in my life has been a little different from my expectations. We're happy now, so that's really what counts.

Fast forward to the following weekend. We had made plans to visit Gavin's parents in Charlotte, but they cancelled on us last minute. We managed to salvage the weekend by going with his sister to a cabin in Roanoke Rapids. We told Aurora because she was questioning the fact that I wasn't drinking. She works in a children's hospital and told us that we should've just told her ahead of time so she could bring a blood/urine test so we could be absolutely sure!

Fast forward again: a week or so later, I went to the doctor's office (without Gavin, he had work). The nurse was kind but I kind of put her off with the mention that this wasn't my first pregnancy, just my first intention to give birth. The doctor seemed to give me a sympathetic look when he asked if I had a partner.
"Yes, my husband is in the picture." I managed to say without being too irritated. Not that it would matter if he wasn't. But I'm sure they were just trying to make small talk.
Our pregnancy = confirmed!

Once the pregnancy was confirmed, I began feeling all the symptoms. (Funny how that works!) I got morning sickness, which is inaccurately named---it's really all-day-long-sickness! Felt HUNGRY all the time and then was exhausted after the smallest of tasks. I got headaches and panic attacks about whether I was eating right, doing enough around the house, etc. I figured myself to be pretty far along (2 and half months, I thought) based on my last menstrual cycle and I panicked about the fact that I hadn't seen an OBGYN yet! I made an appointment with one which they made me wait for 2 weeks to get in, only to tell me my insurance wasn't accepted there. :'( When I found an OBGYN that took my insurance they made me wait another week for an appointment!
Early on, I had downloaded a pregnancy tracker app and joined a forum for newly pregnant women and moms. If you're a newly pregnant woman, I suggest finding one that does not have a forum. From reading what these women were going through, I probably had at least 3 panic attacks in a week. I deleted the app shortly after and decided to just rely on my own calendar and pregnancy books to track my baby's growth.
Before I knew it, the first appointment was upon us! Gavin had taken off work to be there for this visit and I was grateful for that. I answered all the questions asked and as they were setting up the ultrasound system I warned them that I was probably about 13-14 weeks along and I was embarrassed that I had not seen an OB before that day.
Well, they took a few measurements and determined that I was 9 weeks and 5 days in, which was a HUGE surprise. We checked the calendar and figured that I must have barely been pregnant when the tests came back positive!
I got to see my little one on the screen as the technician worked the ultrasound. It was wiggling and 'dancing' and of course it brought tears to my eyes. Holy crap, I'm going to be a mom! Up until that point, it still felt very surreal, like maybe I was dreaming. And even now, I feel like I am still dreaming! I don't know at what point it should feel real but maybe it just comes in spurts until the baby is born.

Since the appointment, I have let the rest of my family and friends know that we are expecting. I've received warm responses from just about everyone I have told (though of course there are always the people who feel the need to say 'but I thought you didn't WANT kids!' as if I forgot I'd said that? Thanks, but your input is unnecessary).
Note: I did for a long time deny wanting kids. I knew that with my personality and laziness in general that kids would be a HUGE undertaking. Well, things change. I also said I never wanted to get married. I can't explain why I had such a change of heart other than it's probably just my primal instinct to pro-create and when you find the person that you love so much that you can't imagine being without them, sometimes you want to celebrate that and make it 'official'. The church part was more for my family than for us. We just needed to look into each other's eyes and say forever.

I also went to see the dentist for a toothache that was bothering me. Turns out the cracked tooth has to come out. The dentist couldn't pull it the day of the appointment, so she prescribed me an antibiotic and codeine (which I had never had before) to tolerate the pain until my next appointment. I had a weird reaction to the codeine and I had to go back and get percoset instead. So now, in addition to my pre-natal vitamins and zofran for nausea, I now carry in my purse codeine, percoset, and antibiotics. Gavin jokes that I am a walking medicine cabinet. I guess so. I don't even like taking pills!

So that was basically the first ten weeks. I'm now in the 10th week heading to the 11th in a couple days. I'm excited, nervous, still lethargic for the most part and still suffering morning nausea, though for the most part the lingering daytime nausea has subsided.
Yesterday I had a few hours to myself at home so I painted my cat laying on a bench. It felt wonderful to get back in touch with my inner painter.

That's all for this post, but I'm going to be writing a second post (sort of a rant, I guess) on pregnancy in general. Bear with me as I will probably get a little carried away, but I think it's a necessary post.