This past weekend, I was lucky enough to get to spend time with family again, starting with my mom. We had made plans to go yard sailing and then visit her antique mall booth, but when I woke up on Saturday it was already 10am. I called to let her know I was running late and she gave me the upsetting news that she'd either lost her wallet or it was stolen. She had been yard sailing all morning and spent all the cash in it so if someone took it they wouldn't get far, but the important documents that were in there (her EMT certification, DL and SS card, etc) would be a pain to replace. She was pretty sure she'd just left it on the top of her car and driven away, but she'd also given a ride to a hitch-hiker and offered him breakfast, only to discover she had no wallet to pay with.
Well, I was fortunate enough to be in the green zone, so I drove up to meet her at the antique mall anyway and we got lunch and I gave her some cash to last the weekend until she could get to the bank today. We cleaned up her booth and ate at this crazy diner that felt like we were back in the 70s. Mom said she'd been there 20 years ago and I thought about how it might be 20 years until I return! It was a lovely place though. While she dusted and sorted the booth I called the sheriff's department to check if anyone had turned in her wallet and gave them some info to get it back in case anyone did return it.
When I got home, Gavin and I got packed up to go to Charlotte and visit his parents, kissed the pups and cats goodbye and hit the road. My friend Allison would be by to feed, water and take the dogs out later on.
The drive to Charlotte was a smooth one. Other than my butt falling asleep, we had no problems. It only took us two and a half hours and on the way down, I got prodded from the inside by little baby Maxfield!
We spent Saturday night out in the backyard around the fire pit, conversing about fireworks, wedding photos, baby things and the new house. I didn't get to sleep until close to 2am but I have to say, sleeping in a feathery-soft bed thats high up off the floor and has a ceiling fan above, no dogs crowding me and the A/C set at a comfortable 65f was like sleeping in heaven. I woke up feeling very refreshed and got an uninterrupted nine hours of sleep. Not even a full bladder could get this lil mama out of bed!
Sunday was spent checking out the Goodwills of Charlotte (which, by the way, are like going to the mall because it's still really nice stuff that people just decided to get nicer versions of), and then we went to...
drum roll
IKEA! :D :D :D
I had never been to IKEA so I didn't really know what to expect, but it was amazing! I was hangry (hungry + angry because of said hunger) so I demanded we eat at the Ikea restaurant first. I got swedish meatballs, mashed potatoes and gravy and the best tomato and feta soup ever. I felt like a balloon when I got up to put my dishes in the bins. But it was so worth it.
We followed the map provided and made our way through all of Ikea, stopping at the beds and mattresses to pick out a frame for the guest room and a new mattress for our bed. They had some $70 mattresses that were less comfortable than concrete and some $700 ones that felt equally terrible, but we found a ~$300 mattress that felt perfect. I can't remember which bed frame we settled on, but since I wont be using it, I don't think it matters, haha.
The best part of Ikea, I think, is pretending that each of the "rooms" they have set up, are apartments. Everything on display, basically, is for sale and they have some prop electronics to make things look homey. They're all empty inside. The toilets on display have paper glued over the openings so no one decides to be funny and pee or god forbid POO in the toilets.
We ended up actually purchasing a nursing chair with cushion, a rug with polka dots, a bamboo salad bowl and can opener and a box of band-aids and a little stuffed white rat. The total was only $112 but they have a deal where if you spend over $100 in store they take off your meal purchase from the total, so since Gavin, his brother and I all ate, we ended up spending only $86! Well worth it.
My hunger was sated and I was no longer grumpy, but walking around that HUGE store left my feet swollen and sore so we decided to get on the road after Ikea. We said our goodbyes and headed back to Apex.
The ride home was much more turbulent. There was rain from outside of Charlotte all the way to Apex and for some reason, a lot of people didn't have their lights on. My wipers decided to cut out every few minutes and I realized I haven't driven in night rain in forever. I guess I don't really go out at night? And we haven't had a lot of rain until recently.
We finally made it back home and all the animals were super excited to see us. It felt good to be home even though a little mini-vacation was much-needed.
Oh yeah! And my mom texted me when we got back to say someone HAD turned in her wallet and nothing was missing! She'd already cancelled her debit card and ordered a new ID but at least she didn't have to get a new social security card. :)
Monday, July 21, 2014
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Baby shower and doctor visit #3
First things first, the baby shower:
Gavin and I drove up to my mom's house on Sunday afternoon. It's about an hour's drive, but its a beautiful hour and passes quickly with the scenery changing from country to city and back to country again with sprawling hills and farms and a sparkling view of the lake.
We got there a little early so I could help my mom set up anything she hadn't gotten to yet. A couple of our friends also came early so we got to catch up before the excitement began.
When the shower began, we were each given a clothespin to wear on our shirts. If we said 'baby' or any variation of the word we had it confiscated. Whoever had the last clothespin was the winner. I think I was third to lose mine.
We decorated onesies, made up baby names and guessed for a due date and the weight/sex of the baby. I got a huge calendar with everyone's guesses written on it to take home.
We ate cupcakes and my mom had made baby quiches and ham & cheese fingerprints for us to snack on. When the mingling settled I moved over to a picnic table to open the gifts. We got a bunch of stuff! My top favorites so far:
-raccoon pjs with a raccoon on the butt (so cute, I squealed as I opened it)
-baby carrying sling (I have already tried it on my cats and it's so perfect, I can't wait to use it!)
-Little tiny socks in different characters like Batman (so tiny)
-gift card to target which has been stowed away for after the baby is born so we can pick up any last-minute forgotten items
Loading it all into the car was craziness. Luckily we didn't have to give my friend a ride back so it all fit fine.
I spent most of the evening post-shower going through everything and marveling at how much STUFF there is. And we haven't even gotten a real crib or nursery furniture yet!
Doctor Visit #3
Honestly, there's not a lot to say here. Gavin had to work an overnight shift after the shower from midnight to 10:30am and he was exhausted. He laid down for about an hour and a half before the appointment but claims not to have gotten any sleep. So I know he was a sleepy mess when we got to the appointment.
They asked us if we were going to do the blood tests to check for downs syndrome and spinal defects, things like that. I wasn't really feeling it because I know that a false positive would throw me into a tailspin of worry and anxiety and that is just not what I need right now. We decided to talk it over while waiting for the doctor and we decided that it was not going to make a difference since we wouldn't be ending the pregnancy either way. So we declined the tests.
Since no bloodwork was to be done, the only thing we did at this visit other than a discussion with the doctor was listen to the heartbeat. It was still in the 140s range and sounded completely healthy.
I was a little disappointed that we weren't able to find out the sex this visit, but I am all the more excited to know that August 4th will be the FOR SURE discovery date. And I can't wait to see what my little baby looks like.
I've been googling ultrasounds at 17 weeks to see what others' babies look like and I'm just so excited to see ours.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Dr Visit #2
Yesterday was our second appointment and was supposed to be the busiest appointment until the last month or so. I expected many tests and questions, but honestly, I don't feel like we did that much.
I was given an exam, a cell sample was taken and I had a breast exam. We listened to the heartbeat and discussed medicines I was taking and genetic disorders. Then before I knew it, I was peeing in a cup and it was over!
The exam part for me was kind of scary because I had actually never had a gynecological exam before. I guess I missed that part of young adulthood somehow. It didn't hurt and it wasn't really uncomfortable--my doctor had a pre-warmed speculum--but I still went home feeling a little...violated. I am trying to reconcile this feeling with the fact that it was a necessary procedure and part of the pregnancy, but I still feel a little off.
Luckily, Gavin is very sweet and has been so supportive. He has been with me at almost every doctor appointment so far and has plans to keep coming. :)
My next appointment is in about 4 weeks and it'll be right after the baby shower. We PROBABLY won't be able to tell if it's a male or female yet, but I'm not worried about it. I'm excited to see how much our baby has grown.
I was given an exam, a cell sample was taken and I had a breast exam. We listened to the heartbeat and discussed medicines I was taking and genetic disorders. Then before I knew it, I was peeing in a cup and it was over!
The exam part for me was kind of scary because I had actually never had a gynecological exam before. I guess I missed that part of young adulthood somehow. It didn't hurt and it wasn't really uncomfortable--my doctor had a pre-warmed speculum--but I still went home feeling a little...violated. I am trying to reconcile this feeling with the fact that it was a necessary procedure and part of the pregnancy, but I still feel a little off.
Luckily, Gavin is very sweet and has been so supportive. He has been with me at almost every doctor appointment so far and has plans to keep coming. :)
My next appointment is in about 4 weeks and it'll be right after the baby shower. We PROBABLY won't be able to tell if it's a male or female yet, but I'm not worried about it. I'm excited to see how much our baby has grown.
Friday, June 6, 2014
What to buy when you're expecting
This is the question that I have been pondering lately.
I'm sure the almighty Google could answer it for me, but I have a hard time trusting random sites on the internet, even the ones that are teeming with experienced moms. Often the older mothers will have an "it worked for me" attitude about outdated practices and products that are now considered dangerous to infants. I have been toeing the water of registries but I really have no idea what to put on them.
My mom has seemed to put it in the best way: "Babies don't need as much as we like to buy."
Well, I never planned on going all-out and buying every gadget intended to make my baby an infinitesimal amount more intelligent. I plan on buying the necessities (diapers, wipes, stroller, car seat, crib, etc.) and maybe a few extras--I don't want my kid to think I'm holding out on him or her--but it's completely overwhelming to think about what all of the basics entail. Are these expensive diapers really that much better than the store brand? Am I wasting money by not using cloth? Are these wipes going to cause a rash? Can I even lift this stroller? Which car seat is going to be the safest but also the easiest to use? IS THIS CRIB LEGAL!?!
Technology and safety regulations are constantly updating and recalls are being put out on all kinds of products meant for infant/child use. How does anyone know what is even safe to buy?
I keep hoping that the further along I am, the more instincts will kick in. But the fact of the matter is, there's no instinct that tells you which car seat is the best. You can do research and look up specs and ask your friends which worked best for them, but every family is different and until you know what your needs are going to be, you kind of have to wing it.
This morning my MIL offered to buy us a travel system. Her hairdresser had told her that it was a godsend to be able to take the seat out of the car and snap it into the stroller. I recall my step-mom and dad having a similar system for my younger siblings. However, I have a friend on Facebook who is constantly posting about car seats and when I asked her advice, she suggested it would save money to buy a car seat that "grows" with your child and adjusts with each stage to fit up to 100 lbs. I didn't even know these existed! She also suggested ditching the idea of a stroller in general for a more hands-on approach: baby carrying.
That has been an idea that I've been pretty adamant about since my best friend had her baby. It seems comforting for my baby to be able to feel me at all times while we are out. But I'm aware that it won't always be me carrying my baby and not everyone who will be taking care of him or her throughout infancy will be so willing to strap a baby on their back (or front). So now it's pretty clear I'm going to be buying a stroller, but not one that comes with a car seat.
At least, that's the tentative plan. This has only been a couple hours of thinking on the subject and there's so much more I can learn about it.
Knowing that all of that is just about the stroller and car seat and that I have about a dozen other essentials I will need to get is causing some major anxiety in this mama. Advice is appreciated but I can't guarantee it will be ultimately followed.
Friday, May 30, 2014
"Quick work for a girl who didn't want kids"
Believe it or not, the title is a quote from a relative who I respect and love dearly. But for the record, that's an incredibly rude thing to say.
I am 26 years old. I have tattoos, I am overweight, I almost never get myself very 'put-together' looking for work or anything else. I am almost 11 weeks pregnant. I have had 2 abortions and one molar pregnancy and for a long time I said I didn't want kids. I grew up in a broken household with parents that fought and fought until they divorced. I got passed between parents and grandparents and to be honest, I loved my childhood. I think I had a lot of fun and got a lot out of a shitty situation. But I knew that if I wasn't sure I was 100% devoted to whomever I decided to spend my life with, I wasn't going to have kids because I could not bear the thought of putting them through a split. I worried, also, that any kid brought into this world would suffer a sad future. The way we are treating the world is a terrible thing. I'm not innocent of it either. I don't always recycle, I drive more than I should and I am not always a decent human being to others. I knew that at that point in my life, I couldn't get myself through tough times, much less a little person who needed me.
But then I met Gavin. And we fell in love. Hopelessly, hopelessly in love.
Gavin wasn't keen on kids either. When we first met he said there was always time in the future if we changed our minds. I agreed. Time went by, we married, and then about 5 months in, we conceived! Not exactly on purpose, but we weren't being super careful either. And I have no regrets about that. There are so many different ways to start a family and I don't think our way is any less valid than anyone else's.
Now, I understand that in my younger days I was very clear that I did not want kids. I had many conversations with people who believed I would change my mind. I adamantly opposed that. I really didn't think I would! But my biological imperative got the best of me. I found myself feeling baby clothes in Target and noticing the giant eyes peeping up out of the strollers that passed me on the sidewalk. There was an urge.
So Gavin and I discussed having kids. We decided we could do it.
And then, a few weeks later, we got into a fight that left me feeling uncertain and I decided I wasn't ready. So we stopped trying again.
But we made up and then we decided to take it casually. We would take whatever came at us.
And pretty soon, we got a positive test result.
Even though I knew that it was what I wanted, I still felt anxiety from it. This is not a small change. This is like, the biggest thing that has ever happened to me. SOMETHING IS GROWING INSIDE ME!!! I had a million thoughts running through my head.
So in addition to dealing with the fact that I am now an incubator for a being which I will not meet for months, I have the task of letting people know this.
I should specify that am not a very center-of-attention person. I think at some point I was, maybe in middle and high school, but somewhere along the lines I decided to hit the sidelines and make myself comfortable. At my own wedding I felt out of place being the one upon which everyone rested their gaze. It was a wonderful day and I was surrounded by people I love, but it was very stressful for me and I felt too vulnerable being in the spotlight.
So with that being said, telling people that Gavin and I are pregnant was on the very bottom of my list of things I'd like to do. I told my mom and some close friends and family but I felt weird doing it. I didn't have the confidence I felt like I should have had to say "We're pregnant!" and it came out sounding almost like I was ashamed. And I hate that. I am not ashamed to be pregnant. I am ashamed I don't feel comfortable saying it. I think the root of this is that I still feel like someone is going to say "but you're so young!" or "how irresponsible!" when really, I'm at an appropriate reproducing age and in a very stable relationship. There's nothing irresponsible about it, except environmentally speaking, if you consider the toll humans take on earth. But when you're raised in an era where teenage pregnancy is both rampant and looked down upon and everyone judges everyone else's decisions whether or not they know the motivations behind them, well, it's easy to take it to heart that being pregnant is a bad thing.
The other root I can think of has actually been confirmed. The family and friends that feel the need to call me out on the fact that I once said I'd never have kids. Well, yes, I did say that. I admit it. Most of the people who told me "you'll change your mind" weren't even interested in hearing my reasoning for not wanting kids. If they had, I imagine they'd keep their mouths shut now. I was in a place where kids was not an inviting idea. I have grown and found myself in a more child-friendly state of mind now. I don't think it happens to everyone who says they don't want kids and I would never tell someone that they'd change their mind. But for me, I did. It really angers me that people have to bring it up because they just want to say "I told you so". But I let it go because I am too focused on everything else in my life to explain my reasons now.
I am 26 years old. I have tattoos, I am overweight, I almost never get myself very 'put-together' looking for work or anything else. I am almost 11 weeks pregnant. I have had 2 abortions and one molar pregnancy and for a long time I said I didn't want kids. I grew up in a broken household with parents that fought and fought until they divorced. I got passed between parents and grandparents and to be honest, I loved my childhood. I think I had a lot of fun and got a lot out of a shitty situation. But I knew that if I wasn't sure I was 100% devoted to whomever I decided to spend my life with, I wasn't going to have kids because I could not bear the thought of putting them through a split. I worried, also, that any kid brought into this world would suffer a sad future. The way we are treating the world is a terrible thing. I'm not innocent of it either. I don't always recycle, I drive more than I should and I am not always a decent human being to others. I knew that at that point in my life, I couldn't get myself through tough times, much less a little person who needed me.
But then I met Gavin. And we fell in love. Hopelessly, hopelessly in love.
Gavin wasn't keen on kids either. When we first met he said there was always time in the future if we changed our minds. I agreed. Time went by, we married, and then about 5 months in, we conceived! Not exactly on purpose, but we weren't being super careful either. And I have no regrets about that. There are so many different ways to start a family and I don't think our way is any less valid than anyone else's.
Now, I understand that in my younger days I was very clear that I did not want kids. I had many conversations with people who believed I would change my mind. I adamantly opposed that. I really didn't think I would! But my biological imperative got the best of me. I found myself feeling baby clothes in Target and noticing the giant eyes peeping up out of the strollers that passed me on the sidewalk. There was an urge.
So Gavin and I discussed having kids. We decided we could do it.
And then, a few weeks later, we got into a fight that left me feeling uncertain and I decided I wasn't ready. So we stopped trying again.
But we made up and then we decided to take it casually. We would take whatever came at us.
And pretty soon, we got a positive test result.
Even though I knew that it was what I wanted, I still felt anxiety from it. This is not a small change. This is like, the biggest thing that has ever happened to me. SOMETHING IS GROWING INSIDE ME!!! I had a million thoughts running through my head.
So in addition to dealing with the fact that I am now an incubator for a being which I will not meet for months, I have the task of letting people know this.
I should specify that am not a very center-of-attention person. I think at some point I was, maybe in middle and high school, but somewhere along the lines I decided to hit the sidelines and make myself comfortable. At my own wedding I felt out of place being the one upon which everyone rested their gaze. It was a wonderful day and I was surrounded by people I love, but it was very stressful for me and I felt too vulnerable being in the spotlight.
So with that being said, telling people that Gavin and I are pregnant was on the very bottom of my list of things I'd like to do. I told my mom and some close friends and family but I felt weird doing it. I didn't have the confidence I felt like I should have had to say "We're pregnant!" and it came out sounding almost like I was ashamed. And I hate that. I am not ashamed to be pregnant. I am ashamed I don't feel comfortable saying it. I think the root of this is that I still feel like someone is going to say "but you're so young!" or "how irresponsible!" when really, I'm at an appropriate reproducing age and in a very stable relationship. There's nothing irresponsible about it, except environmentally speaking, if you consider the toll humans take on earth. But when you're raised in an era where teenage pregnancy is both rampant and looked down upon and everyone judges everyone else's decisions whether or not they know the motivations behind them, well, it's easy to take it to heart that being pregnant is a bad thing.
The other root I can think of has actually been confirmed. The family and friends that feel the need to call me out on the fact that I once said I'd never have kids. Well, yes, I did say that. I admit it. Most of the people who told me "you'll change your mind" weren't even interested in hearing my reasoning for not wanting kids. If they had, I imagine they'd keep their mouths shut now. I was in a place where kids was not an inviting idea. I have grown and found myself in a more child-friendly state of mind now. I don't think it happens to everyone who says they don't want kids and I would never tell someone that they'd change their mind. But for me, I did. It really angers me that people have to bring it up because they just want to say "I told you so". But I let it go because I am too focused on everything else in my life to explain my reasons now.
The first ten weeks
I almost forgot about this blog! I guess I have a lot of catching up to do then.
Where to start??
Well, let's start at the first positive test.
Gavin and I were coming home from dinner one night and I asked if we could stop by the store. I had been having these feelings that are difficult to describe. A kind of KNOWLEDGE that I've had before. We picked up a 2-pack of pregnancy tests and I decided to take the first one as soon as I got home (even though you're supposed to wait and use morning urine). Well, it turned pink pretty fast. Even though the last few times I'd taken a test I'd been sending it tiny posi-vibes in my head, I never actually expected it to work.
When I saw the pink line I actually felt myself begin to freak out. In a good way? Bad way? I'm still not sure. I took the test out to Gavin and said, "uh, well, we're pregnant." I recall trying to remove any emotion from my voice because I wanted a natural reaction from him, not something biased by my inflection.
"Yeah?" Gavin responded, pretty much as emotionless as me.
Doesn't sound like the storybook reveal, right?
I forgive us for that. We were in shock. And everything in my life has been a little different from my expectations. We're happy now, so that's really what counts.
Fast forward to the following weekend. We had made plans to visit Gavin's parents in Charlotte, but they cancelled on us last minute. We managed to salvage the weekend by going with his sister to a cabin in Roanoke Rapids. We told Aurora because she was questioning the fact that I wasn't drinking. She works in a children's hospital and told us that we should've just told her ahead of time so she could bring a blood/urine test so we could be absolutely sure!
Fast forward again: a week or so later, I went to the doctor's office (without Gavin, he had work). The nurse was kind but I kind of put her off with the mention that this wasn't my first pregnancy, just my first intention to give birth. The doctor seemed to give me a sympathetic look when he asked if I had a partner.
"Yes, my husband is in the picture." I managed to say without being too irritated. Not that it would matter if he wasn't. But I'm sure they were just trying to make small talk.
Our pregnancy = confirmed!
Once the pregnancy was confirmed, I began feeling all the symptoms. (Funny how that works!) I got morning sickness, which is inaccurately named---it's really all-day-long-sickness! Felt HUNGRY all the time and then was exhausted after the smallest of tasks. I got headaches and panic attacks about whether I was eating right, doing enough around the house, etc. I figured myself to be pretty far along (2 and half months, I thought) based on my last menstrual cycle and I panicked about the fact that I hadn't seen an OBGYN yet! I made an appointment with one which they made me wait for 2 weeks to get in, only to tell me my insurance wasn't accepted there. :'( When I found an OBGYN that took my insurance they made me wait another week for an appointment!
Early on, I had downloaded a pregnancy tracker app and joined a forum for newly pregnant women and moms. If you're a newly pregnant woman, I suggest finding one that does not have a forum. From reading what these women were going through, I probably had at least 3 panic attacks in a week. I deleted the app shortly after and decided to just rely on my own calendar and pregnancy books to track my baby's growth.
Before I knew it, the first appointment was upon us! Gavin had taken off work to be there for this visit and I was grateful for that. I answered all the questions asked and as they were setting up the ultrasound system I warned them that I was probably about 13-14 weeks along and I was embarrassed that I had not seen an OB before that day.
Well, they took a few measurements and determined that I was 9 weeks and 5 days in, which was a HUGE surprise. We checked the calendar and figured that I must have barely been pregnant when the tests came back positive!
I got to see my little one on the screen as the technician worked the ultrasound. It was wiggling and 'dancing' and of course it brought tears to my eyes. Holy crap, I'm going to be a mom! Up until that point, it still felt very surreal, like maybe I was dreaming. And even now, I feel like I am still dreaming! I don't know at what point it should feel real but maybe it just comes in spurts until the baby is born.
Since the appointment, I have let the rest of my family and friends know that we are expecting. I've received warm responses from just about everyone I have told (though of course there are always the people who feel the need to say 'but I thought you didn't WANT kids!' as if I forgot I'd said that? Thanks, but your input is unnecessary).
Note: I did for a long time deny wanting kids. I knew that with my personality and laziness in general that kids would be a HUGE undertaking. Well, things change. I also said I never wanted to get married. I can't explain why I had such a change of heart other than it's probably just my primal instinct to pro-create and when you find the person that you love so much that you can't imagine being without them, sometimes you want to celebrate that and make it 'official'. The church part was more for my family than for us. We just needed to look into each other's eyes and say forever.
I also went to see the dentist for a toothache that was bothering me. Turns out the cracked tooth has to come out. The dentist couldn't pull it the day of the appointment, so she prescribed me an antibiotic and codeine (which I had never had before) to tolerate the pain until my next appointment. I had a weird reaction to the codeine and I had to go back and get percoset instead. So now, in addition to my pre-natal vitamins and zofran for nausea, I now carry in my purse codeine, percoset, and antibiotics. Gavin jokes that I am a walking medicine cabinet. I guess so. I don't even like taking pills!
So that was basically the first ten weeks. I'm now in the 10th week heading to the 11th in a couple days. I'm excited, nervous, still lethargic for the most part and still suffering morning nausea, though for the most part the lingering daytime nausea has subsided.
Yesterday I had a few hours to myself at home so I painted my cat laying on a bench. It felt wonderful to get back in touch with my inner painter.
That's all for this post, but I'm going to be writing a second post (sort of a rant, I guess) on pregnancy in general. Bear with me as I will probably get a little carried away, but I think it's a necessary post.
Where to start??
Well, let's start at the first positive test.
Gavin and I were coming home from dinner one night and I asked if we could stop by the store. I had been having these feelings that are difficult to describe. A kind of KNOWLEDGE that I've had before. We picked up a 2-pack of pregnancy tests and I decided to take the first one as soon as I got home (even though you're supposed to wait and use morning urine). Well, it turned pink pretty fast. Even though the last few times I'd taken a test I'd been sending it tiny posi-vibes in my head, I never actually expected it to work.
When I saw the pink line I actually felt myself begin to freak out. In a good way? Bad way? I'm still not sure. I took the test out to Gavin and said, "uh, well, we're pregnant." I recall trying to remove any emotion from my voice because I wanted a natural reaction from him, not something biased by my inflection.
"Yeah?" Gavin responded, pretty much as emotionless as me.
Doesn't sound like the storybook reveal, right?
I forgive us for that. We were in shock. And everything in my life has been a little different from my expectations. We're happy now, so that's really what counts.
Fast forward to the following weekend. We had made plans to visit Gavin's parents in Charlotte, but they cancelled on us last minute. We managed to salvage the weekend by going with his sister to a cabin in Roanoke Rapids. We told Aurora because she was questioning the fact that I wasn't drinking. She works in a children's hospital and told us that we should've just told her ahead of time so she could bring a blood/urine test so we could be absolutely sure!
Fast forward again: a week or so later, I went to the doctor's office (without Gavin, he had work). The nurse was kind but I kind of put her off with the mention that this wasn't my first pregnancy, just my first intention to give birth. The doctor seemed to give me a sympathetic look when he asked if I had a partner.
"Yes, my husband is in the picture." I managed to say without being too irritated. Not that it would matter if he wasn't. But I'm sure they were just trying to make small talk.
Our pregnancy = confirmed!
Once the pregnancy was confirmed, I began feeling all the symptoms. (Funny how that works!) I got morning sickness, which is inaccurately named---it's really all-day-long-sickness! Felt HUNGRY all the time and then was exhausted after the smallest of tasks. I got headaches and panic attacks about whether I was eating right, doing enough around the house, etc. I figured myself to be pretty far along (2 and half months, I thought) based on my last menstrual cycle and I panicked about the fact that I hadn't seen an OBGYN yet! I made an appointment with one which they made me wait for 2 weeks to get in, only to tell me my insurance wasn't accepted there. :'( When I found an OBGYN that took my insurance they made me wait another week for an appointment!
Early on, I had downloaded a pregnancy tracker app and joined a forum for newly pregnant women and moms. If you're a newly pregnant woman, I suggest finding one that does not have a forum. From reading what these women were going through, I probably had at least 3 panic attacks in a week. I deleted the app shortly after and decided to just rely on my own calendar and pregnancy books to track my baby's growth.
Before I knew it, the first appointment was upon us! Gavin had taken off work to be there for this visit and I was grateful for that. I answered all the questions asked and as they were setting up the ultrasound system I warned them that I was probably about 13-14 weeks along and I was embarrassed that I had not seen an OB before that day.
Well, they took a few measurements and determined that I was 9 weeks and 5 days in, which was a HUGE surprise. We checked the calendar and figured that I must have barely been pregnant when the tests came back positive!
I got to see my little one on the screen as the technician worked the ultrasound. It was wiggling and 'dancing' and of course it brought tears to my eyes. Holy crap, I'm going to be a mom! Up until that point, it still felt very surreal, like maybe I was dreaming. And even now, I feel like I am still dreaming! I don't know at what point it should feel real but maybe it just comes in spurts until the baby is born.
Since the appointment, I have let the rest of my family and friends know that we are expecting. I've received warm responses from just about everyone I have told (though of course there are always the people who feel the need to say 'but I thought you didn't WANT kids!' as if I forgot I'd said that? Thanks, but your input is unnecessary).
Note: I did for a long time deny wanting kids. I knew that with my personality and laziness in general that kids would be a HUGE undertaking. Well, things change. I also said I never wanted to get married. I can't explain why I had such a change of heart other than it's probably just my primal instinct to pro-create and when you find the person that you love so much that you can't imagine being without them, sometimes you want to celebrate that and make it 'official'. The church part was more for my family than for us. We just needed to look into each other's eyes and say forever.
I also went to see the dentist for a toothache that was bothering me. Turns out the cracked tooth has to come out. The dentist couldn't pull it the day of the appointment, so she prescribed me an antibiotic and codeine (which I had never had before) to tolerate the pain until my next appointment. I had a weird reaction to the codeine and I had to go back and get percoset instead. So now, in addition to my pre-natal vitamins and zofran for nausea, I now carry in my purse codeine, percoset, and antibiotics. Gavin jokes that I am a walking medicine cabinet. I guess so. I don't even like taking pills!
So that was basically the first ten weeks. I'm now in the 10th week heading to the 11th in a couple days. I'm excited, nervous, still lethargic for the most part and still suffering morning nausea, though for the most part the lingering daytime nausea has subsided.
Yesterday I had a few hours to myself at home so I painted my cat laying on a bench. It felt wonderful to get back in touch with my inner painter.
That's all for this post, but I'm going to be writing a second post (sort of a rant, I guess) on pregnancy in general. Bear with me as I will probably get a little carried away, but I think it's a necessary post.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)